Something that can't be replaced
by ThisLadyWrites
Summary: When you lose someone who's important to you, you start reconsidering your priorities &the choices you've made so far. Maybe you also realize that life's too short to push away the person you love even though he's done something that's beyond insane HUDDY
1. Chapter 1

Hi my dear readers!

I finally managed to finish this fanfic.

To everyone who has reviewed "Insane" and "Behind her Facade": Thanks so much guys! I loved all the reviews. :D

.

What you should know before reading this fanfic:

1) This fanfic is not as happy, mushy and fluffy like most of my others

2) It's set years after the most horrible episode ever. (yes I'm talking about 7x23... And in this this story I'm trying to fix what TPTB has destroyed in the series.)

3) Dominika is gone because House had kicked her out

4) The idea for the storyline is from the great **Sheis1963** :D

5)** Jane **(LEfan77) is responsible that this story isn't filled with grammar, spelling and sense mistakes :D

Thanks to both of you girls! :D

Enjoy reading!

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><p><strong>Something you can't replace <strong>_(working title; will probably chance)_

**Chapter 1**

It was far too cold for a day in early September. The sun was hiding behind the big, dark clouds and a chilly breeze was blowing.

Cuddy was slowly walking over the grass. With each step she made, she came nearer and nearer to the crowd of people that all were here for the very same reason.

Her heart started beating faster the nearer she got. She had the urge to run away but she wouldn't do that. Not now. Not today.

She had driven up all the way here to Princeton to say goodbye and that was exactly what she would do even though she knew that it was going hurt.

She looked at the crowd and recognized Foreman, Taub as well as Chase who sadly smiled when he caught sight of his former boss.

Cuddy gave him a short nod before she directed her gaze on the casket in front of her.

She swallowed.

This was the first time she realized that this indeed was true. That it wasn't just a bad dream. It was cruel reality.

He was dead.

She never ever would be able to see him or to talk to him again. She never would be able to say goodbye properly.

He was just gone.

The feeling of loss spread in her chest and encased her heart. She couldn't help it but to let a tear fall down her cheek.

Cuddy was aware of the fact that probably every single person was staring at her. Most of the people that were present were her former employs who hadn't seen her for more than five years. And since PPTH always had been a big gossip factory she hadn't really expected anything else.

When looked up from the mahogany casket again she suddenly caught sight of HIM.

He was standing offside from the crowd under a big chestnut tree heavily leaning on his cane.

A cold shiver made its way through her body. Her heart started to beat even faster… For a short moment she thought that she was going to pass out.

She had known that she would meet him when she had decided to come here. She had known that there was no way around it. She just hadn't imagined that it would hurt, confuse and startle her so much.

Another tear was making its way down her cheek. She wished Wilson were here to comfort her… But then she realized how absurd this thought was.

Wilson wouldn't ever comfort her again.

He was dead.

She had lost one of her very best friends. Someone she had trusted. Someone she had truly cared about.

She had lost her confidant and her adviser and this fact hurt her more than she thought was possible.

They haven't seen each other often in the last few years but they had phoned each other at least once a week.

More tears were forming in her eyes. She couldn't believe that she had to say goodbye to him.

Her gaze was still fixed on House. He hadn't seen her yet. He was busy starring at his shoes and playing around with his cane.

Even from the distance she could say that he looked miserable and even though she knew she shouldn't, she felt bad for him.

Wilson had been House's only friend. Now that he is dead he was alone. He had no one.

Cuddy still had Rachel but House was completely left alone.

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><p>He fucking hated life! And life obviously hated him equally.<p>

He had lost everything and everyone he had truly cared about.

First Cuddy and now his best friend who always had stuck with him even though he had done so much shit in the last few years.

Wilson always had been on his side, he had always kept an eye on him. He had always kept him company. He had helped him to detox. He had even tried to set up House with a woman who he thought might be able to handle his friend's extraordinary character.

But House never was interested in any of those women.

He didn't just want some woman. He wanted a specific woman…

He wanted no one else but her… But he knew that she wanted anybody else but him.

And he absolutely understood it. He wouldn't even want a man like him on her side. She deserved better, much better.

What he did to her was horrible and the most insane thing he has done in his entire life. He would always hate himself for that.

He felt like scum. He felt like not being worth of being happy or even of being contented...

He considered Wilson's death as a punishment for his behavior. And this pissed him off even more.

Wilson shouldn't be the one in the casket.

It should be him and not one of the most generous people in this world.

He should be dead and not Wilson.

House swallowed. He shifted his gaze from the grass to the crowd of people that were standing around Wilson's casket.

He could hear the rabbi saying a prayer.

It didn't take him long to catch sight of Cuddy who looked incredibly sad and exhausted but also more gorgeous than ever.

His heart skipped a beat… his breathing quickened. His skin was suddenly covered with goose bumps.

Seeing her again after such a long time freaked him out. It felt surreal. It felt wonderful and at the same time it felt horrible because he knew that she wouldn't want to see him.

She hated him… And he deserved it.

He deserved anything bad there was in this world.

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><p>She knew that he was watching her. She could feel it. His gaze was drilling itself into her back and made her shiver.<p>

Cuddy didn't listen to the rabbi. Her thoughts were light years away.

.

"_You guys are made for each other."_

"_And you are drunk." House said as he gripped the bottle of beer out of his friend's hand and emptied it himself._

"_You… toootally should marry and get lotsa babies." Wilson slurred and abutted his head on the backrest of the couch._

_Cuddy whose head rested on House's shoulder chuckled. "You really should keep your hands off alcohol, Wilson."_

_Wilson grinned, yawned and then closed his eyes. "I love you… both..." He murmured._

_House rolled his eyes, Cuddy chuckled again and said. "We love you too, drunkard."_

_._

The memory of this particular moment made her realize once again that she had lost both of them.

She had lost her love and now she had lost her best friend as well.

Cuddy tried to swallow back the tears that were about to fall, but it was impossible.

They came. They made their way down her cheeks.

First she had tried to wipe them away but soon she gave up on it.

She just let them fall.

She couldn't hold back any longer... This was too much for her.

She turned around and without looking back at House, she went away in direction of her car.

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><p>When Cuddy reached her car she was crying heavily. A stream of tears mixed with mascara was running down her face.<p>

She felt alone… She felt lost. She wanted to drive back to Boston. She wanted to go to her daughter. She wanted to forget House, to forget that Wilson died… To forget how much her life sucked since she had left Princeton. To forget how much she missed her old life.

Cuddy rifled through her bag to look for her car keys. But they were no where to be found... They had obviously disappeared.

She took this as a reason to start crying even harder. She forcefully threw her bag to the ground and was about to let out a loud, desperate shout when she suddenly noticed that she hadn't thrown her bag on the ground, she had thrown it on someone else's feet.

She didn't even have to look up to recognize who it was. The sneakers the person was wearing were answer enough.

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><p><strong>TBC... Of course just if you guys want me to continue. So do you?<strong>

**BTW you can also make propositions how I should continue with this story. Do you want aynthing special to happen?**

**You also can send me DMs with ideas (preferable fluffy ideas) for Huddy One Shots... :)**

**Have a lovely day :)**


	2. Chapter 2

Woooow, guys! Thank you soooooo much for all your great reviews! Keep them coming! They make me happy. :D

Thanks a lot to **Jane** (LEfan77) and to **Inês** (SheIs1963) for helping me with this story. Sending hugs to both of you :D

Here is the next Chapter.

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><p><strong>Chapter 2<br>**  
>Cuddy felt her breath catch inside her throat, a weird feeling was spreading in her stomach and her knees suddenly felt like they were made out of marshmallows.<p>

She hesitated at first but then she slowly looked up. When her eyes settled on his face, her heart was beating so fast that she felt like it was about to explode.

That was exactly the moment she had feared most: Her very first meeting with House after he'd destroyed her house as well as her life.

She wanted to slap him, to tell him she hated him, to tell him to get the fuck away from her and that she was glad he was not in her life anymore. She wanted him to be on the other end of the world, farthest away from her as possible, as well as she wanted him to just hug her and pretend that all those horrible things had never happened.

Cuddy had no clue on what to do, how to act or what to say. She just stood there without moving a muscle and stared at him. Her gaze was a mix of disappointment, anger and incredible sadness.

"You came." His voice was barely louder than a whisper.

"Of course I came…" She wiped away the tears with the back of her hand. "After all Wilson wasn't the one who ran his car into my house!"

Her sentence hit him like a bullet in his chest. He knew that she would hate him, he knew that she hadn't forgiven him but hearing her talking to him with so much anger and hatred in her voice broke his heart all over again.

He looked down at the ground. If he watched her any longer he would probably have an heart attack. There was so much disappointment in her eyes. It hurt to see her like that… And the fact that he was partly responsible for the way she was currently feeling hurt even more.

Cuddy let out a loud sigh and bent down to pick up her bag and its contents which were spilled on the ground.

She threw her sunglasses, her wallet as well as her Blackberry back into her purse and straightened up again. She wanted to get away from there. As soon as possible. She couldn't stand to be close to him any longer. She couldn't stand the fact that this was Wilson's funeral. She couldn't stand the feeling of loss. She couldn't stand the sadness and the emptiness she filling her body.

Cuddy turned around without casting him another glance. She walked passed her car in direction of the street. She'd take a cab to the hotel she'd booked a room in. She would worry about the car and the missing keys later. Right now she couldn't care less about such bits and bobs.

She just had taken a few steps, when he suddenly called her name. Cuddy stopped dead in her tracks. She actually wanted to keep walking but she couldn't.

"Your keys." His voice was soft. Almost too soft.

She turned back to House and saw him holding her keys in his right hand. They had obviously been in her bag and had fallen out when she threw her 400$ purse on the ground.

For a moment she considered ignoring him, to let him keep her keys and to leave without saying any other word but somehow her legs made their way over to him.

Her tears still hadn't dried and she had the feeling that it wouldn't happen anytime soon. She was far too sad, too confused and too disappointed.

When she reached for her keys, her fingers accidently touched the back of his hand.

It was a small, barely noticeable touch but it was more powerful than anything either of them had felt in years.

A tingle traveled trough her arm and went right to her heart.

It was in that precise moment everything just suddenly became too much for her.

Her tears flowed uncontrollably down her cheeks and her whole body started shaking.

She was having a melt down… A melt down in front of the last person she wanted to have around her. She was having a melt down in front of the guy who'd destroyed her and her daughter's home. She was having a meltdown in front of HIM. In front of House!

Before Cuddy even knew what was happening she felt two warm hands on her hips. His hands. House's hands.

She wanted to slap him, to kick him, to push him away, to tell him to fuck off… But she couldn't… She needed this. She needed the comfort. She needed to be close to him. She needed his warm arms around her. Right now she needed nothing more than to be comforted.

Cuddy couldn't remember how it happened but suddenly her fore head was on his chest and his left hand was soothingly rubbing the small of her back.

It felt so familiar. He had done something so horrible to her but his touch still did the same thing to her like it always had.

Her nose was buried in his t-shirt and so she took in his scent, which was still the same than years ago. It still calmed her down. It still made her feel dizzy.

This situation was absurd.

Cuddy had actually planned not to speak a word to him. She had planned not to come anywhere near him. She hadn't even wanted to be alone with him.

And now she was pressed up to him, seeking for comfort. How fucking strange was that?

For a few minutes neither one of them moved or said anything. House's hand was still caressing Cuddy's back in a slow but constant rhythm and that effectively managed to calm her down a bit.

His touch was soft and tentative… This was all he dared to do. He had actually reckoned she would slap him as soon as he touched her. He would have completely understood it. After what he'd done to her he deserved much more than a few slaps.

It surprised him that she wasn't pushing him away, not even considering her head on his chest.

Wilson's death, coming back to Princeton and seeing him again had obviously thrown her completely off track. He had never seen her like that before.

And this scared him.

When House's second hand started to make small circles on her back as well, Cuddy suddenly realised what she was doing was completely and absolutely insane.

She took a deep breath and sighed, killing him merciless with her words.

"I hate you." She murmured against his chest.

The time he'd spent in prison or the slap he was prepared to feel were no match for what that 3 words did to him.

They exploded in him like an atomic bomb.

"I know." House said… It was the truth. He knew that she hated him. He knew he'd screwed up big time. She had every right in the world to hate him. What he'd done back then could have killed her and her family. His actions were inexcusable.

She freed herself from his hold, ripped her keys from his hand and just for a short moment, she looked into his eyes that had still the same intense blue ocean the she'd gotten lost in before. What she saw was similar to the way she was feeling herself: lost, alone and hurt.

She wished now, more than ever, that House had never done the insane thing of breaking his car through her house. If he hadn't, they could have been there for each other in that moment of loss, they could have healed each other and maybe, just maybe, they could have averaged the pain.

But now all they could do was feel miserable and suffer alone.

He in Princeton and she in Boston.

Cuddy averted her gaze from him, turned around and walked over to her car. She didn't look back at him.

As soon as the car door was closed tears started running down her face again.

She wished Wilson was there… He would know what to do and how to make her feel better.

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><p>House didn't move an inch from the spot he was standing until Cuddy's car disappeared behind a building.<p>

He hated to see her go again but he knew that it was his own fault that she wanted to get as far away from him as possible.

There was no one else to blame but him.

It was only when he felt a drop landing on his hand that he realized he was doing something he had rarely done in his life.

He cried.

He wiped away the few tears on his cheeks with the back of his hand forcefully.

He wasn't allowed to cry. He deserved this. All of this. It was his punishment for what he'd done.

He deserved to be alone.

**TBC**

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><p><strong>Does this story make you as depressed as it makes me?<strong> **I guess I have to write a fluffy one shot to cheer me up.**

**Tell me what you think about this chapter. :)  
><strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi there! Thank you sooooooo much for all your lovely reviews! They make me happy and they cheer me on :D**

**I actually wanted to upload this chapter yesterday but didn't let me.**

**A big thank you and an even bigger hug goes to_ Jane (LEfan77) _and Inês (SheIs1963) for helping me with this fanfic whenever I needed help. :D **

**Enjoy reading!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 3<strong>

Arlene had just switched on the TV when she noticed a quiet, soft knocking. Clearly annoyed, she sighed, put down the glass of wine, got up from the couch and asked herself who the hell was that brazen to intrude after 10 pm.

She got her answer as she opened the front door and found her daughter standing on her porch.

"What are you doing back here?" Arlene wanted to know. "I thought you trusted me with Rachel?"

"Mom, please can you just shut up and let me in? I'm not in the mood to argue with you."

Arlene actually wanted to tell her not to talk to her like that, but after noticing her daughter's red, puffy eyes she decided it was better not to. She stepped to the side to make room for Lisa to enter the house.

"Thanks." Cuddy went passed her into the hallway, got rid of her jacket and kicked off her shoes.

"You should have at least called me to warn me you were coming early. I would have hidden the wine to spare you the trouble of accusing me of being an alcoholic again." Arlene shut the front door and followed her daughter into the living room.

"Mom, I was just at the funeral of my best friend, where I met the man who drove his car through my dining room, risking killing 4 people. So, can we please move this discussion to another day on which I don't feel like a piece of shit?" Cuddy threw her purse on the couch and left the room before her mother could even retort.

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><p>Rachel was sleeping heavily. Her chest rose and fell in a steady rhythm. Cuddy was sitting at the edge of the bed, watching her precious little girl sleep.<p>

She had wanted to stay in Princeton over night. She'd gone to the hotel where she had her room booked in but all she wanted was to be close to her daughter.

Rachel was everything she had left. And all the incidents that have happened in the last few years made her extremely protective of her. Rachel was her life. Her everything.

Cuddy laid her hand on her daughter's rosy cheek, caressing it softly with her fingers, while her thoughts went back to the place she had just barely escaped from: To Princeton. To House. To Wilson.

Tears stubbornly formed in her eyes again.

She didn't know if those tears were about Wilson's death or about the fact that she had realized once more that her heart obviously still belonged to the biggest asshole on this planet, something she was sure wouldn't change that quickly.

Due to the crying, Cuddy didn't notice someone opening the door and standing in the threshold. It was only when she felt a warm hand on her shoulder that she turned around and looked in the eyes of her mother that – contrary to expectations – were staring at her with a very soft expression.

"I made you a tea." Arlene whispered, not to wake Rachel up.

"You didn't have to do that."

"You are my daughter… Of course I have to do that."

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><p>"You want sugar?" Arlene put the mug with the peppermint tea on the kitchen table, in front of Lisa and dropped down on the chair, opposite of her. "Or do you still have the absurd conviction that you'll immediately get fat if your body comes in contact with sugar?"<p>

"No, I don't need sugar and no I'm not afraid of getting fat… Call me crazy but I have this weird illusion that a balanced diet will keep me healthy."

"You're not normal."

"Thanks mom." Cuddy said monotonously as she took a sip of her tea.

Neither one of them said anything for a few moments, the unusual silence was broken when Arlene surprised her daughter by asking. "Are you alright, dear?"

Cuddy was taken aback. Her mother never asked things like that. Never. It was completely unusual thing for her. She was used to her mother being mean, sarcastic or ironic... seeing her being caring was something she had hardly ever experienced.

Cuddy swallowed the warm minty liquid and slowly shook her head. She was on the verge of tears again. "I… I don't think I am."

Arlene's hand went to her daughter's and took hold of it. "If you want to talk, I'm willing to listen."

Cuddy gave her a sad smile. That was the nicest offer she had ever gotten from her mother. "Thank you, mom."

"No need to thank me. You're my daughter and I love you." Arlene didn't actually say it in a soft, caring voice, like other mothers would have done, she said it in a serious, emotionless voice that gave Cuddy the feeling she wasn't completely alone.

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><p>It was already dark outside. The moon and the stars were hiding shyly behind big dark clouds.<p>

He was sitting on the ground, leaning against a gravestone with a bottle of beer in his hand.

"It's your favorite." House said toasting to Wilson's grave which was awfully glutted with flowers and pompous coronals. "Hope you are not feeling hemmed in under all this flowery crap."

He took a sip of the beer and enjoyed the feeling of the cold liquid running down his throat. "You know that I'm screwed without you, right?"

"You were the best friend I've ever had… the only friend I've ever had…" House's eyes were focused on the framed picture of Wilson that was placed next to a lit candle.

"Cuddy was here today…" He swallowed. It was hard for him to talk about his feelings. Even if his only listener was a dead man. "She still hates me… But I understand it. I hate myself for what I have done as well… And I hate myself even more when I look in her eyes and see how unhappy she is."

House took another sip of the beer, coming to his senses, he suddenly felt the need to say something sarcastic in order not to get too emotional. "By the way: Her breasts are as perky as always and her ass is still incredibly squeezable."

"But I guess you know that since you weren't the one she banned from her life 5 years ago."

"I was such an idiot for screwing it up with her…"

In exact the moment he said that sentence, Wilson's picture frame fell over, which House interpreted as a sign that his friend was agreeing with him.

"I knew that being dead wouldn't keep you from butting in." A small grin crept on his face. "You are such a girl… You were never able to shut up for more than five seconds."

With the help of his cane House got up from the ground again. He picked up the picture frame and set it up to its rightful place .

For a few moments his gaze was completely focused on the photo.

Wilson didn't deserve to die that early… He had plans. He wanted to find the woman he loved, to get kids with her and to buy a house to live with them in. He wanted a family. But life just was too cruel and killed him off before he could have had any of these things. Before he could really have been happy.

House felt tears forming in his eyes once more but he didn't let them fall.

He looked one last time to the picture before turning around and walking away.

He had no clue how his life would go from there on. He didn't even know if he wanted it to go on.

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><p>Arlene switched off the lights in the kitchen and living room, as she made her way to her room.<p>

She was just about to open the door to the bedroom when she heard quiet, smothered sobs emerging from the bathroom.

She had never been a particularly good mom but she loved her daughter with all her heart and it hurt like hell to see her suffering.

For a fraction of a second Arlene was about to go to Lisa to try to comfort her but then she realized that she sucked big time in being comforting and that Lisa hated it if she was around while she was crying.

Arlene sighed and disappeared – not masking her worried facial expression - into her room. She was determined to fix some things.

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><p><strong>TBC<strong>

**Feedback, ideas, wishes as well as complains and suggestions for improvement** **are always welcome.**

**Just hit the "review this chapter" button and tell me what you think :D**


	4. Chapter 4

**I'm back with a new chapter! :)  
><strong>

**Thank you so much for all your wonderful feedback! Keep it coming :D**

**This chapter was kinda hard to write since my muse was kinda cranky but with the help of Jane (LEfan77), Inês (Sheis1963) and Sissi (SissiCuddles) I managed to do it. Thanks so, soooooo much for your help, girls. Sending hugs to all of you.**

**What you should know before reading: I actually set this fanfic 5 years after the insane car incident, please let's change that to 3 years, okay?**

**So Rachel's six in this story :)  
><strong>

**Enjoy reading :)  
><strong>

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><p><strong>Chapter 4<strong>

Cuddy was awoken from her sleep by a high-pitched voice that irrefutably belonged to no one else but her precious little daughter. "Mama!"

Slowly she opened up her eyes. The bright light – which was fully emerging into the room due to the non-existing curtains – was dazzling her.

"Hey baby." Cuddy said in a sleepy voice and smiled at the kid.

"You are already back!"

"Yes." Cuddy reached for Rachel's cheek to brush a strain of hair out of her face. "I was feeling kinda lonely in Princeton, so I decided to come back to you earlier."

"Did you say good bye to uncle Wilson from me?" Rachel wanted to know as she lay down next to her mom.

"I did, honey..."

Rachel hadn't actually known Wilson that well. She'd seen him about 3 times in the last few years but she still cared about him. Though the fact that he always brought her presents when he came for a visit did certainly help.

"Grandma and I lit a candle for him."

"You did?"

Rachel nodded enthusiastically.

"That's sweet of you." Cuddy's arm went around Rachel's back. They were lying so close together that their noses were almost touching.

After a short period of silence Rachel asked: "Do you think uncle Wilson is in heaven now?"

"I'm sure that's where he is. He is probably sitting on a cloud right now watching us." She felt, once again, a knot forming in her throat. She had lost track of how many times she'd cried or had been on the verge of tears in the last few days.

"Are there angels in heaven too?" Rachel started to play with her mommy's soft hair.

"Yeah… There are angels too. They look out for him and make sure that he has everything he needs."

"Then the angles are like you mommy… You also look out for me."

And this was it. She couldn't hold back her tears any longer. "Oh, Rach…" Cuddy gently caressed her daughter's back and pressed a soft kiss on her forehead. "You are such a sweetheart."

Seeing her mom crying was something Rachel had hardly ever seen before and it scared her a little. But then, she decided to do what mommy always does when she was crying: She snuggled closer to her mother, laid her arms around her and murmured: "I love you, mommy."

Tears were running down Cuddy's face but she had a smile on her lips. "I love you too, baby."

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><p>Cuddy stayed in bed the whole morning. She didn't even get up for breakfast or eat the toast Arlene had brought her.<p>

She'd read a book with Rachel since the little girl loved to read and Cuddy enjoyed to be her audience very much.

It was half past twelve when she finally decided to get up from bed to take a bath.

She had just sat down in the bathtub when the door flew open and her mother walked in shamelessly.

"Mom! What are you doing in here?" Cuddy said indignantly.

"You haven't eaten the toast I made you. You are at least going to eat this soup." Arlene held out a bowl towards her daughter.

"I'm in the bathtub, mom!"

"I noticed."

"I'm not going to eat in here."

"You'll eat right here, right now."

"Don't you think I'm old enough to decide when and where I eat?"

"Right now I don't think you can do that."

Cuddy sighed and looked up into her mother's eyes. She was surprised to see her worried gaze.

"I know what I'm doing, mom."

Arlene put the bowl with the soup on the edge of the bathtub and said: "I hope you do." before she left the room.

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><p>He got startled awake by the loud ringing of his cell phone. He grunted and scanned the bedside table with his left hand until he finally found his cell and gripped it.<p>

He didn't bother to check the caller ID. He was sure it was his team calling. They would pretend to need help with a non-existing case just so they could check up on him. Since Wilson died they had this stupid delusion that they had to play his baby sitter.

"I'm still alive and not interested in anything that has to do with the hospital. So fuck off." Was his charming greeting.

"House?" A quiet sobbing voice said.

It took him a few minutes until he finally realized who he was talking to. "Arlene?"

"I need you to get your ass to Boston… " She said in between sobs.

"What's going on?" A feeling that felt an awful lot like worry spread in his chest.

"Lisa… She… She had an accident."

No! No! No! No! No! No! No! This wasn't happening! This just wasn't happening! This couldn't be happening!

House's heart started beating like crazy… "How bad is it?"

"I don't know yet… Please come. She's in Boston General."

"I'm on my way." He said before he pressed the red button to end the call.

He jumped out of bed, put on the first clothes he found and was out of the door within two minutes.

He hadn't brushed his teeth nor kempt his hair. He hadn't cared about taking a jacket nor taken his ibuprofen. He didn't even take his cane with him.

None of that shit was important. He couldn't care less about all of that. Right now he just needed to get to Boston as fast as possible.

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><p>After emerging from the bathroom Cuddy, announced she was going into the hospital to do some paperwork.<p>

Arlene had asked her if she was insane. She hadn't even tried for a second to understand her daughter. If she had, though, she would have realized that all Cuddy wanted was to distract herself. She wanted to distract herself from the loss she felt and from all the other feelings she had and didn't want to have.

After being in the hospital for a about an hour Cuddy had to admit that her distraction theory sucked.

Whatever she did, she always ended up thinking of Wilson and House.

She couldn't remember if she had ever missed something so much like she missed the time in Princeton. She missed it so much that it hurt… So much that it made her feel sick.

Since Wilson died and since she met House again, she had been reminded of how much she loved spending time with the two boys and how much fun they always had… She wished she could turn back time and prevent a few things from happening.

But even thinking about this was a waste of time… There was no way she could change what had happened in the past. What happened, happened. There was no way anyone could change that.

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><p>House was in Boston within a few hours. He had exceeded every speed limit there was but he couldn't care less about it. All he wanted was to see Cuddy and make sure that she would be okay.<p>

He parked his car in the first free lot he found. He didn't give a shit about it being in a non-parking zone.

When he entered Boston General he immediately limped over to the nurses' station that was, like in PPTH, situated in the middle of the lobby.

"I need to know what room Lisa Cuddy is in."

A nurse looked up from the computer. "She isn't here at the moment. She took a few days off."

"I'm not here to talk with her about something work related… I'm a friend and I need to see her… I know that she's here. Tell me what room she is in?"

The nurse sighed. "Okay… She is here… But just unofficially. She's in her office."

"In her office?" House asked, lifting up his eyebrows in question.

"Yes."

"Where is it?"

"Just around the corner on the left side."

"Okay…" He turned around, murmured "thanks" as he limped his way over to the office of no one but Dr. Lisa Cuddy.

* * *

><p>Cuddy was surprised when she heard a knock on her office door. She hadn't thought that someone would disturb her since nurse Amy and nurse Stella were the only ones that knew that she was here.<p>

"Come in!" She said.

Cuddy looked up from her paper work and saw the door opening up very slowly.

When she realized who the intruder was her heart almost stopped.

House.

What the fuck is HE doing here? What the fuck goes on in that crazy mind of his? She didn't want to see him! She wanted him away from there! How could he dare show up there?

She looked at him with an angry gaze. "You really dared to show up here."

"I know… I just… Are you okay?"

"Go away!"

"I will… But not before you answer the question: Are you okay?" He rebated.

"I don't want to see you, don't you get that?"

"I know you hate me and I know you want me to go away… But I won't do that before you tell me that you are alright."

"I am alright!" She shouted. "It's not like my best friend just died or my insane ex started to stalk me."

"Your mom called and told me you had an accident."

"What?"

"She told me to come…"

Cuddy face-palmed and murmured: "She makes me crazy."

"I…" House wanted to say something but Cuddy cut him off.

"No… Don't say anything… Just leave."

"Cuddy, I…"

She cut him off again: "Leave!"

It hurt… But he knew that it was his own fault that it was like that between the two of them.

Without saying anything else, House turned and left the room.

When her office door fell with a click into the lock Cuddy broke down. Again.

She started crying… She started crying over her failed relationship with House, over the feelings she still had for him and over the loss of her best friend.

She was a mess.

* * *

><p>He was mad. Really mad.<p>

What the hell was Arlene thinking?

She'd called him and acted like Cuddy was seriously injured and then it turned out that she had just lied to him and that Cuddy was physically fine.

What kind of sick joke was that?

He had been worried like hell… Due to Arlene's sobbing on the phone he had even thought that Cuddy was dead.

What the fuck was wrong with this woman!

He pressed the bell button with an enormous force. Once. Twice. And then for a third and a fourth time until the front door finally opened up and Mama Cuddy was standing in front of him.

"Are you fucking nuts?" House asked her in an angry voice.

The answer to his question was a slap. A hard slap on his right cheek.

"This was for what you did to my daughter." Her voice was equally as angry as his.

House was just about to say something when she surprised him with another hard slap.

For a moment he thought that he would fall over… Hell that woman should have become a boxer.

Her eyes settled on his. Her gaze was cold. "And this was for calling me nuts."

House's hand went to his hurting cheek and rubbed it. "What a lovely welcome greeting."

"You don't deserve any other greeting from the mother of the woman whose life you've destroyed."

He couldn't object… Arlene was right.

"Well, if I'm such a horrible guy then why the hell did you tell me to come?"

She stepped closer to him, her eyes were still on his. "Because I want you to fix what you've destroyed."

**TBC...**

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><p><strong>I would like to know what you are thinking. Click the button below and tell me :)<strong>


	5. Chapter 5

**I'm back guys! Finally! I'm really sorry for the long wait but I just couldn't upload earlier. My had muse left me… But thanks to Max (allthingsdecent) my muse came back to me. She gave me some very good ideas for this fanfic. Your mini you is very thankful, Max xD**

**A big big hug goes to my two lovely betas ****Jane (LEfan77)**** and ****Inês (Sheis1963)**** who still aren't fed up with my stories :D**

**Enjoy reading! :)**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 5<strong>

House was on his way to look for a hotel. It was already past seven pm and he was too tired and far too pissed off to drive back to Princeton. (And we all know that it's better for him not to be in or anywhere near a car when he is angry.)

Arlene scared the shit out of him with that phone call.

She'd almost given him a heart attack. He had completely freaked out.

He thought he would lose Cuddy too.

And then – after a never ending, torturing 5 hour ride – it all turns out to be just a prank of Arlene because she wanted him to fix things.

Is this woman completely crazy?

How is he supposed to fix anything when Cuddy tells him to "fuck off" every time he gets near her? How is he supposed to fix anything when she hates him? And how the hell do you fix something you screwed up beyond repair?

* * *

><p>Just a few minutes after House left Cuddy arrived at Arlene's. The way she slammed the front door already gave away how angry she was.<p>

"Mom!" Cuddy angrily kicked off her shoes and entered the living room where Arlene was currently ironing some clothes.

"Are you completely and totally dense?" Cuddy crossed her arms in front of her chest.

"You are as rude as he is."

"Don't you dare compare me to him… I didn't run a car through anyone's dining room!"

"That was three years ago… Don't you think you guys should finally talk about it?"

"No, I definitely don't think so."

"Well… I think you should."

"Good thing that I don't care what you think…" Cuddy was about to leave the room when her mother caught hold of her arm.

"I just want to help you, Lisa…"

"Then stop inviting my ex boyfriend behind my back when you know that I don't wanna see him."

Lisa shook off her mother's hand and disappeared into the hallway.

* * *

><p>After Cuddy took a shower and checked up on Rachel, who was already sleeping heavily, she went back into the living room.<p>

Arlene was still there. She was watching TV. A glass of Merlot in her hand.

Cuddy went over to the coffee table, gripped the remote and switched off the TV before she dropped down next to her mother on the couch.

"You do know that I was watching that, right?" Arlene said in her usual arrogant voice as she turned to her daughter.

Cuddy ignored her and asked: "Why did you want him to come?"

"Because you are miserable."

"He's one of the reasons I'm miserable!"

"The lack of him is your reason to be miserable."

"Mom… This man did something completely crazy! He destroyed my house. He could have killed Rachel… He could have killed me… or Julia!"

"But he didn't. It wasn't his intention to hurt anyone physically. And you know that."

"I don't care about his intentions! What he did was dangerous not only for everyone in that house but for him as well! Do you really think it would hurt less to lose my kid or my sister when I knew that it wasn't his attention to kill them?"

"He didn't kill anyone, Lisa! He made a mistake, a big mistake and he got punished for it."

"Aren't you mad at him at all?"

"Of course I'm mad! That's why I slapped him... It was very satisfying by the way. You should try it yourself."

Cuddy looked at her mom surprised. "You slapped him?"

"It's not like I had a choice… This schmuck called me nuts and he broke your heart."

Lisa swallowed. It was hard for her to have this conversation. She had to fight the urge to stand up and to run away. But she knew that that was no solution for this problem. "Was… Did Rachel see him?"

"Do you think I'm dumb? Of course I didn't let Rachel see him!"

"Good." Cuddy sighed in relief. She didn't want Rachel to meet House. She would remember him and ask questions Cuddy wouldn't be able to answer without lying to her. She could never tell Rachel what House did. Rachel loved House. She didn't want to scare her by telling her that the reason she wasn't living at her house anymore was because he'd destroyed it.

Arlene placed her glass of wine on the coffee table and turned to her daughter. "When I called him and told him that you had an accident he was frantic! This schmuck limped to his car and drove over 5 hours  
>to come and see you… He still cares about you. And it's not exactly a secret that you're still heads over heels in love with him."<p>

"You don't know anything about what I feel!"

"Since your breakup you've had no boyfriend, you probably didn't even have sex. What does that tell any person that has a working brain?"

Cuddy rolled her eyes. She wished once again that it would be illegal to say the word "sex" in front of your children. "Back down, mom! My private life is none of your business! Please get yourself another hobby! Play bingo or bridge or get obsessed about a royal family but please don't interfere in my life." Lisa got up from the couch again and made her way over to the door.

"I just want you to be happy." Arlene's voice was unusually soft. Only rarely she showed how much she actually cared about her daughter.

"I know... But I am old enough to make my own decisions… You can't just tell House to come here and force me to talk to him." Cuddy opened the door to the hallway and said: "That's not how it works," then she left the room.

* * *

><p>After trying to fall asleep for more than two hours Cuddy gave up on it.<p>

She got out of bed, tip toed to the bathroom and got rid of her pyjamas before she put on casual jeans and a turtleneck pullover.

Before she left the house she made sure that Rachel was properly covered and left a note on the kitchen counter in case Arlene woke up before she came back.

Cuddy was sitting on a bench in one of the nearby parks now, enjoying the chilly fresh air and the beautiful star-covered sky.

She exhaled loudly and hugged her torso to keep herself warm.

Today she really would have needed Wilson. When it came to House he was the only one who was able to give her proper advice. He had always seemed to know what to do and what to say in order to make her feel better.

"What are you doing here?"

Cuddy startled. Her heart was starting to beat like crazy. She felt her knees getting wobbly.

She turned her head and caught sight of no one else but him.

Of course she had recognized his voice the moment he started talking, there was no way she couldn't, but until now she hadn't been sure if it was just imagination or reality.

"A better question is what are YOU doing here?" She tried to overact her nervousness with indifference.

"Couldn't sleep..."

"Why are you still here in Boston?"

"It was not exactly very comfortable to sit in a car for 5 hours. Especially when you have a damaged leg… I needed some rest."

Cuddy nodded. She understood. She hadn't thought about how exhausting it must have been for him to drive for so long.

They were both quiet for a few moments until Cuddy finally dared to speak.

"Sorry about this whole accident thing…"

"Not your fault. That's on the bill of the senile Cuddy."

And suddenly, before she even realized what she was doing, Cuddy started chuckling. It wasn't intentional. Not at all. It just happened: He made her laugh. After all he'd done to her he could still make her laugh.

When he saw the little smile forming on her rose lips, his heart skipped a beat.

She smiled!

She fucking smiled at something he said!

House thought that she would never smile at him again but yet she just did and god, this made him happy as hell.

"Not able to fall asleep, either?" House asked. He didn't come closer. He stayed where he was, leaning against a trunk of a tree a few feet away from her.

She shook her head. "Not really."

He cleared his throat. "I'm sorry if my emergence is the reason for it."

"It's not." She lied.

There was an awkward tension between them. Back then they never felt that uncomfortable near each other.

"I… I think I better go back now." Cuddy said after a few moments of silence and got up from the bench.

House just nodded. If he was to say anything, it would have been something like "Don't go." or "Come with me." And with that he would scare her away even more.

She didn't look over to him. She just turned around and started walking away.

Just as House gave up his hope that she would cast a last look at him, she stopped walking.

The next few seconds it took her to turn around again felt like an  
>eternity.<p>

When her eyes were fixed on his, she said: "Thank you."

He was confused. Why the hell did she thank him?

"For what?"

"For coming to Boston to check up on me. That was… a nice gesture."

"Y… You're welcome." He was so astonished that he was barely able to speak.

Cuddy held his stare for a few more seconds before she turned around and left for real.

**TBC**...

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><p><strong>Hope you liked it. :) Tell me if you have any ideas, wishes or ideas for improvement.<strong>

**Have a great weekend :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hi guys!**

**Thank you so, sooo much for all your lovely reviews. They cheer me up and they cheer me on!**

** Your reviews always add something sweet to my day and for that I am really, really thankful! :) **

**This chapter is beta read by the great ****Inês (Sheis1963)**** as well as by the lovely ****Jane (LEfan77)****. **

**I also would like to thank everyone of you who still writes Huddy stories and plan on keeping writing is all we have left, so please don't give up on it! Keep the Huddy love coming! :D**

**I'm gonna shut up now and let you read xD**

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><p><strong>Chapter 6<strong>

She wanted to slap herself.

Only a few hours ago she was absolutely sure that she never wanted him to be anywhere near her again and now she had just thanked him?

What the fuck was wrong with her?

She should have shouted at him. She should have slapped him like her mom did. She should have told him that she hated him.

But she hadn't been able to do any of that.

Having him near actually felt good. Hearing his voice felt good.

How the hell was she supposed tell him that she hated him when the only thing she really hated was the fact that she still loved him despite everything he did?

* * *

><p>House felt as if he just won the lottery.<p>

She talked to him without telling him she hated him, she even thanked him and she had smiled at him!

The tension between them had been very awkward but for a tiny little moment it had felt like years ago when they still were together. And that gave him hope. Hope that it would get better between them.

He wasn't naive enough to hope that they would come back together again. He had given up on that when he realized what he had done to her. But he hoped that she would forgive him some day. And he was ready to do everything in his power in order to show her how incredibly sorry he was for what he has done to her and to Rachel.

He pulled out his cell phone from his jeans pocket, pressed a few buttons  
>and was about to push the green key when he realized what he was doing: He wanted to call Wilson to rouse him from his slumber and ask for some advice.<p>

He had been so close to doing that without even realizing it!

But since he doubted that his cell phone had connection to the Tartarus it was pretty much impossible to call Wilson.

House swallowed and angrily shut his phone closed.

Being alone on this fucking planet sucked!

Who the hell was he supposed to ask indirectly for advice now that Wilson was gone? And who was going to prevent him from screwing up even more?

* * *

><p>"Where were you last night?" Arlene asked when she handed her daughter a mug that was filled with hot, steaming coffee.<p>

"Out."

"Ah really? Why haven't I figured out that on my own?" It was impossible not to notice the sarcasm in her voice.

"In case you didn't notice: I'm not a teenager anymore and haven't been one in about 20 years. I can go wherever I want, whenever I want." Cuddy took a big sip of the hot liquid.

"You went to see him." Arlene said. It sounded nothing like a question or a guess. It was a statement.

"No! I was out for a walk to get some fresh air…" Lisa brought her gaze down to the coffee cup in her hands and then quietly said: "We just met accidentally."

"I knew it!" Arlene exclaimed.

"It wouldn't surprise me if you staged this meeting as well… You were probably even hiding behind a tree watching us."

"You caught me… I left Rachel alone and hid behind a tree in the middle of the night to spy on my daughter."

Cuddy rolled her eyes and was about to say something when Rachel came running into the dining room. She had a smile on her face, in her hand she was holding a white envelope. "Mommy you got a letter!"

Cuddy looked at her. "Really?"

Rachel nodded and handed the letter to her mother. "I found it in front of the door when I got my gameboy from grandma's car."

As soon as Cuddy cast a glance at the envelope and saw the handwriting she knew who the addressor was.

It was no one else but HIM.

* * *

><p><em>Dear Cuddy,<em>

_In the envelope you can find a key to Wilson's apartment. He has many pictures and all other kind of girlie things you might like to look through and sort out._  
><em>His apartment will be cleared out next month, so make sure you come before the guys from the removal company.<em>  
><em>I'm currently on my way back to Princeton since you are clearly uncomfortable with me around… But I'm certainly not going to blame you. I know that what I've done to you and Rachel was horrible and that it is inexcusable. But you should know that I am sorry. I really am and I hope you'll be able to forgive me one day.<em>  
><em>It doesn't have to be tomorrow or next week, not even next year, just some day.<em>

_House_

_..._

She'd promised herself not to cry but that turned out to be impossible. After she read the first two words there were already tears forming in her eyes. She just couldn't help it.

The more she read the more the tears started to fall.

She probably hadn't cried as much in her entire life as she had in the last few days.

Cuddy wiped away the tears with the back of her hand and reread the letter.

He asked her to forgive him. He obviously wanted absolution. But she wasn't a priest who would be okay with whatever he did after he prayed a few times. That was not how it worked in real life.

Cuddy was surprised when she suddenly heard a quiet voice behind her. "Are you still sad because of uncle Wilson?"

She turned around and caught a sight of her daughter. She hadn't heard her entering the room. "Yeah…" Cuddy nodded and gently put a strand of Rachel's hair behind her ear. "I'm still pretty sad."

"But you said that uncle Wilson was in heaven… It's beautiful there. You don't need to be sad."

"Oh baby…" Cuddy put her arms around her little girl and pulled her into a hug. "You're right. In heaven it really is beautiful."

"Do you think they have candy there?" Rachel murmured against her mother's shoulder.

"I think they have everything that makes you happy. So I guess they have loads of candy."

"That's cool!" Rachel exclaimed. "But I still prefer to stay here with you mom… even though they have loads of candy in heaven."

Cuddy chuckled. It was an action out of desperation. If she hadn't done it she probably would have started crying again.

"And I'd like to stay with you, sweetheart." She softly kissed her daughter's forehead.

After a short moment of silence Rachel asked: "who was the letter from?"

Cuddy swallowed. "From… a friend… He asked me to come and sort out some things at uncle Wilson's apartment."

"What friend?" Rachel wanted to know.

"No one you know, Rachel." She felt bad for lying to her. But she had to protect her little girl.

"Can I come sorting out things at uncle Wilson's apartment?"

"We'll see." Cuddy said and managed to smile softly.

* * *

><p><strong>TBC...<strong>

**I know it was short and I can't promise you that the next update will be longer but I can promise you that there will be a next update :)**

**This chapter probably seemed like a filler but it was important to move on with the storyline.**

**Please let me know what you think about it.**

**Enjoy your day :)**


	7. Chapter 7

Awww! Guys, I really love your reviews! Sending out hugs to each of you that left me some feedback :) Thanks so much :)

Hugs also go to ****Inês (Sheis1963) ****and to ****Jane (LEfan77) **** for beta reading. Thank you girls :D

Now enjoy reading chapter 7! :D

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><p><strong>Chapter 7<strong>

Cuddy switched on the car radio and turned left to take the drive-up to the highway.

It was hard for her to go back to Princeton, especially when she had to go back to Princeton and leave Rachel behind.

The little girl wanted to accompany her. She'd looked at her with those brown puppy dog eyes of hers and had begged to come along. But as much as Cuddy wanted to take her daughter with her, she just couldn't.

She knew that this trip would be a burden for Rachel. It would probably even awaken some memories in the little girl, which would lead to questions Cuddy wouldn't be able to answer honestly without scaring her.

So she had decided that it was best for Rachel to stay with Arlene while she was rifling through Wilson's things and going down a road full of tears and pain of loss.

It hadn't been easy to convince Rachel to stay a few more days with her grandma but eventually Cuddy had managed it. And now she was ready to face the loss and the pain that was waiting for her in Princeton. She was ready to mourn and to cry and then to get over it and to move on with her life.

* * *

><p>She was standing in front of his apartment door for more than 10 minutes now. She hadn't had the strength to put the key into the lock and open it up yet.<p>

The fact that she was about to walk into his apartment to sort out his things made his death feel real. She wasn't ready to let go just yet but she knew that she had no choice. She couldn't move on with her life when she didn't accept his death. And she had to move on. Not only for her but, especially, for Rachel's sake.

Cuddy took a deep breath, inserted the key into the lock and turned it. It took her a few moments until she was able to press down the door handle and open the door.

She slowly entered the apartment. It looked almost the same as 4 years ago. Though the couch was definitely a new one.

She put down her handbag and kicked off her heels before she sat down on the couch.

It felt weird to be here… Everything looked like Wilson just was out for work and would come back in the evening.

A light scent of coffee mixed with his aftershave was in the air and made his death even more unrealistic for her. It felt like he'd just left his apartment after making coffee and putting on his aftershave.

Cuddy leaned against the back of the couch and sighed. She wished she could turn back time and prevent some things from happening. Maybe then everything would be different. Maybe Wilson would still be alive, maybe he would be happily married and maybe, just maybe, she and House would have never broken up and would still be together.

God, how much she hated the word "maybe"!

* * *

><p>It didn't feel right to go through his things but it was better than just throwing everything away. So she had no choice but to rummage around in his private stuff.<p>

Cuddy was currently flipping through a photo album which contained mainly pictures of a brightly smiling Wilson and a happy Amber.

She sighed. She hoped that they were united now. Fate hadn't particularly been kind to them, the least they deserve being together wherever they were now.

Cuddy closed the album and put it aside before she took another one. It had a brown leather binding and it wasn't labeled like the rest of Wilson's photo books.

She carefully opened it up. When she saw the first picture her heart skipped a beat.

It was a picture of Wilson, House and her at the hospital's yearly fundraiser. All three of them were smiling. Well House wasn't. Not really. But you could clearly see in his eyes that he was happy at that time.

Her lips formed to a smile when she thought back to that evening.

House had worn a tux and he'd actually behaved quite well. At least until he had decided to "kidnap" her to have his wicked way with her in his office. And because he hadn't wanted her office to feel left out they had had sex in her office as well.

This memory caused Cuddy's body to cover itself with goose bumps.

She could still feel his hands on her when she thought about their love making that night.

It had been incredible. Amazing. Mind blowing.

Afterwards, they had lain on the couch in her office. Both exhausted but happy. Her head on his chest, his hand on her arm, caressing it softly.

Cuddy'd felt so incredibly happy in that moment. She hadn't even cared that they were at the hospital, in her office nonetheless.

She remembered how when she was on the verge of dosing off when she'd felt his warm mouth on her forehead. He had gently pressed a kiss against it before softly murmuring something he said very, very rarely:

"_I love you."_

Cuddy swallowed. She felt tears forming in her eyes but didn't let them fall. She had cried enough in the last few days.

She turned the page in order to prevent her mind from bringing up even more memories.

But it turned out to be a huge mistake. She was now looking at a photo of House and Rachel that she had never seen before.

They were both sitting on a piano bench. House was playing and Rachel was watching his fingers in awe.

Cuddy tried again to keep her tears in check but she couldn't prevent a few tears from rolling down her cheeks this time.

She took one last look at the picture and then closed the album. All these memories were just too much to handle. She needed a break.

* * *

><p>Cuddy left Wilson's apartment to eat dinner at one of the restaurants she often had lunch in when she was still living in Princeton.<p>

Afterwards, she had driven to her hotel to drop off her things before she made her way to the cemetery.

It was already dawning when she got there. She gripped the candle she had bought earlier and got out of the car.

She felt kinda nervous. She was visiting his grave for the very first time and she had no clue how she was going react to it, how she was going to deal with it.

Cuddy passed the big chestnut tree and was about to turn right when she suddenly stopped dead in her tracks.

House.

He was sitting on the ground in front of Wilson's grave obviously talking to him.

She took a few more steps until she was able to understand what he was saying: "Arlene wants me to fix things… But how the hell do I do that? I screwed up beyond repair…"

Short moment of silence.

"I wrote her a letter and apologised but a hundred apologies wouldn't be able to express how fucking sorry I am for doing that to her. Hell, I destroyed her house, I could have hurt her or Rachel!" It was clearly visible how angry he was about what he'd done. It was visible how much he regretted it, how much he wanted to turn back time to change some things.

"I really could use your annoying advice, you know?" His voice suddenly sounded much weaker. It seemed like he was on the verge of tears.

Cuddy wiped away her own tears with the back of her hand and decided to finally let him know that she was there.

She walked closer. He didn't notice her until she was standing directly next to him.

He looked up at her in surprise, his mouth slightly ajar. He hadn't reckoned on seeing her again that soon.

Cuddy didn't say anything. She just bent down to light the candle and put it next to one of the bouquets.

When she was done she didn't walk away. She didn't turn around. She didn't leave.

She threw her blazer on the ground and sat down next to him.

**TBC...**

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><p><strong>I know, I know... it's kinda mean to stop here but I promise you to update ASAP :)<strong>

**If you have wishes, ideas or just something to say please leave a review :)**


	8. Chapter 8

_**Already over 100 reviews! How cool is that! Thank you sooo, soooo much guys! You make me happy with every single review! :D**_

_**It took me longer to write this chapter than expteced since I was kinda busy but I managed to squeeze in some time to write and hopefully I'll be able to do that in the next few weeks as well.**_

_**Thank you to **__**Inês (Sheis1963)**__** for giving me some tips and for beta reading this chapter. :)**_

_**Before you start reading I'd like to invite all of you to take part at our projects for Lisa E's birthday. You can find the links to the info pages on my profile :)**_

**_Now read!_**

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><p><strong>Chapter 8<strong>

_When she was done she didn't walk away. She didn't turn around. She didn't leave._

_She threw her blazer on the ground and sat down next to him._

"How long have you been sitting here?" Cuddy asked after looking at the empty Chinese take out boxes that were lying next to him on the ground.

He shrugged. "A few hours."

Cuddy just nodded, not knowing what to say.

"You went to Wilson's?" He didn't dare to look at her.

"Yeah…"

"Then I guess you got my letter?"

"I did."

It felt really weird to be that way with each other. They felt uncomfortable. They felt like they were strangers. They weren't sure what to say or what to do.

Cuddy cleared her throat. "And I… I appreciated it. I know it wasn't easy for you to write it."

"It wasn't easy for you either... to realize that the man you were together with for almost a year is a bigger psycho than you thought he is. So I guess it's only fair that it isn't easy for me now."

"House…" Cuddy said while letting out a sigh.

He cut her off: "No… Don't say anything… Let me talk… please."

She went silent and nodded.

Days ago she would have never thought that she would sit next to him again, ready to let him explain. But, surprisingly, she was ready. She wanted to hear what he had to say.

"I used the brush as an excuse to drive over to your house. Actually I wanted to talk to you. But then… when I was standing at your porch I saw you smiling at this guy… and I freaked out… The thought that you and he… " He broke up and turned his face to the right so she wasn't able to recognize that he once again was on the verge of tears.

"I know, House… I know it freaked you out, seeing him at my place when I'd just told you that I wasn't seeing anyone… but it was nothing and even if it was it wouldn't have justified your actions."

"I fucking know that!" He shouted. "I know that there is nothing you could have done that justified what I did to you! But I'm not fucking Doctor Who. I don't have a tardis… I can't travel through time… I can't undo things. The only magic trick I know is to say that I'm sorry."

"Then do it." Cuddy requested.

"Do what?"

"Tell me that you're sorry."

"I told you several times."

"You wrote me… And you told me. But you never looked me in the eyes while doing so."

He swallowed, admitting to himself that she was right.

House' head slowly turned from the right side to the left where he finally settled his eyes on hers. His gaze softened immediately.

She looked stunning. Tired and sad but stunning all the same.

"I am sorry, Cuddy" His eyes were fixed on hers. He didn't even blink. "I'm sorry for what I did to you."

His voice sounded dead serious. There was no sign of sarcasm.

To her own surprise her hand reached for his and took hold of it. It still felt the same like it had felt years ago. "I accept the apology." Her voice was just a whisper.

House's heart skipped a beat. He couldn't believe that she accepted his apology for real. His lips formed to an almost invisible smile and he gently squeezed Cuddy's hand before she pulled it away again and stood up.

Cuddy thought about it a few moments before she asked. "You want a ride home?"

House was completely taken aback by this question. "Yeah." He nodded and slowly got up from the ground as well.

It was a simple question, a simple proposition without any meaning. But for him it felt huge. It felt like the first step to forgiveness.

* * *

><p>There was a more than uncomfortable silence in the car.<p>

Cuddy was regretting that she'd offered him a ride. It hadn't been a good idea. It had resulted in making them both feel awkward and weird.

"How's Rachel?" His voice sounded incredibly soft and unsure.

Cuddy flinched when he said her daughter's name. She'd never been afraid of him hurting her but back then he actually could have done exactly that and that just made her sick.

"We don't have to do this." She said when she turned left into the crossroad.

"Do what?" House wanted to know.

"Small talk."

"It's not small talk… I really wanna know how she is and I wanna know if … " He suddenly stopped talking.

"If?"

"… if I made any damage with my insanity."

"I never told her what happened… She is fine. I'm the only one involved that needed several visits to the therapist's afterwards." She hadn't actually wanted it to sound like a reproach but it kinda came out like one.

"I visited Nolan as well." He admitted. "…and still do."

She was surprised and even a little bit proud. Wilson wasn't here anymore to make him go so if he still went there then he did it because he really wanted to get better and not just because someone forced him to go there. "That's good."

"I guess so." He said and looked outside the window when she stopped the car. They were already in front of his apartment.

He wanted to ask her if she would like to come in for a few minutes or at least if they would meet again before she drove back to Boston but he knew that he couldn't. He had no right to. Just because she had accepted his apology didn't mean that she forgave him and it certainly didn't mean that she wanted to have contact to him again.

So he just turned to Cuddy and said: "Thanks for the ride."

"No problem."

It wasn't easy for him to remove his eyes from her but he knew that he had to do it better sooner than later. He didn't want to take any chances and scare her off even more.

He opened up the car door, gripped his cane and slowly exited the Lexus.

Before House shut the door again he looked at her once more. "Bye."

"Bye." Cuddy said a few moments before the door fell shut.

She didn't look at him again. She just turned the ignition key and drove off.

If she had laid her eyes on him once more she wouldn't have been able to remove them again. And that was definitely the last thing she wanted.

* * *

><p>"… and aunt Julia took us to the swimming pool but grandma refused to come because she said she don't wanna swim in the water other people pee in." Rachel excitedly said and started giggling. "But we didn't miss her because we had lots of fun."<p>

Cuddy chuckled. Hearing her daughter laugh overflowed her heart with joy. "That's great, honey…"

"And Jona and I slid the waterslide like 100 times but Sam didn't want to because he was scared. So he stayed with aunt Julia and watched us sliding… You have to come next time, mommy. It was so funny."

"I won't miss out on it again." She promised.

"When you coming back, mom?"

"The day after tomorrow. Uncle Wilson has lots of things I still need to look through."

"I really do miss you."

It hurt Cuddy to hear her say that. She wanted to take her daughter in her arms and to press a kiss against her temple. "Oh… baby is miss you too. But I'll be back really soon. Just enjoy your time with grandma, aunt Julia and your cousins, ok? I'll call you again tomorrow."

"Okay…" Rachel said. There was a sad undertone in her voice.

"Bye sweetheart… I love you."

"Love you too, mommy." Rachel sweetly said before she hung up.

Cuddy pressed the red button of her phone to end the call as well and sighed. She really missed her daughter and she couldn't wait to hold her in her arms again.

The two of them had a very close relationship. Cuddy had always tried to spend as much time as possible with Rachel. She loved the little girl from the bottom of her heart. It didn't matter that they didn't have the same genes. It didn't matter that Rachel hadn't been in her belly. All of this didn't matter at all. Rachel was and would always be her daughter and nothing could ever change that. NOTHING.

Cuddy put down her cell on the bedside table and dropped down on the queen-sized hotel bed. She closed her eyes, she couldn't help thinking how life would be like if some things didn't happen. If she didn't broke up with House, if he didn't marry this mail order bride and if he didn't rammed his car into her dining room.

Would they still be together? Would they be something like an unconventional family? Would Rachel have a father figure?

Cuddy opened her eyes again and sighed. Why the hell couldn't life be easier?

* * *

><p>House hadn't been able to fall asleep for a very long time and that's why it was very unusual that he woke up before 8am the next morning.<p>

He trudged himself into the kitchen to cook coffee when his doorbell startled him.

He knew who it was. There was no one else who could it be. But he was still surprised to find her standing in front of his apartment door.

_TBC..._

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><p><em><strong>Feedback is welcome :)<strong>_

_**And don't forget to check out my profil page for the birthday projects :)**_


	9. Chapter 9

**Hi guys :) I'm so sorry for the long wait. **

**This chapter is kinda short but it's better then no chapter at all, right?**

**Thanks a lot to Inês and Jane for beta reading. You girls rock! :D**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 9<strong>

He knew who it was. There was no one else who could it be. But he was still surprised to find her standing in front of his apartment door.

For a moment he just stared at her. He felt unable to say anything, he was far too surprised and too confused about the fact that she was really standing in front of him.

"Hi." Cuddy said. Her hands were buried in her pants' pockets.

"Hi." House tried to hide the nervousness and the uneasiness he felt but – considering the fact the he is actually a pro at hiding his feelings – he did a pretty awful job.

"Sorry that I came by so early." She spoke to him in a way she would do if speaking to a complete stranger.

"It's okay… I was already up anyway."

There was still this weird tension between them that made them both feel self-conscious.

Cuddy avoided looking him in the eyes. "I woke up at 5 and wasn't able to go back to sleep, so I drove over to Wilson's to go through the rest of his things… and…" She pulled out something form her purse and extended it to him. "… I found this."

He took it and recognized it as a letter. A letter addressed to him and her. The hardly readable doctor scribble was unmistakably Wilson's. House swallowed. "Did you read it?"

She shook her head no. "It's addressed to both of us…"

House's gaze focused on the letter in his hand for a few more moments, before he looked up at Cuddy again. "You wanna come in?"

Asking her this simple question somehow felt like proposing to her. Inviting her in his apartment where they would be alone without anyone else around seemed too early.

She'd accepted his apology but this didn't mean that she trusted him again. There was no way she could after what he had done.

"Yeah." She took him off guard with her answer.

It took him a few moments to recover from the positive surprise. Without saying anything he made room for her to enter.

She walked passed him, into his apartment.

It looked the same as years ago. Everything was situated in the exactly same place.

A soft scent of bourbon, aftershave, books and sweat rose up her nose and made her realize how much she had missed this place and this scent... and him.

"You want a coffee or something?"

It was almost sweet how nervous he seemed. He was obviously trying to be a good host. He was trying to leave a good impression on her.

"No, thanks. I'm fine." She sat down on his couch waiting for him to join her so they could read the letter.

He let out a sigh when he dropped down on the couch a foot next to her. He made sure there was a certain amount of space between them. He didn't want her to feel uncomfortable.

House looked down at the envelope in his hand. "I'm opening it."

She just nodded.

He slowly opened the envelope. He needed a few more moments before he was able to pull out the sheet of paper.

Cuddy moved closer to him in order to have a better view at the letter.

He looked at her briefly and then unfolded the sheet. His hands were shaky. He was hoping Cuddy couldn't notice it.

They both started reading.

"_Dear House & Cuddy,_

_If you're reading this I'm either dead or in a coma… Or House got bored and is once again going through my private stuff. Whatever it is, I really want you guys to know something: You are my best friends. Both of you. And I love you, even though I often ask myself why I still put up with you two._

_I told you like 5000 times to suck it up and to talk to each other to sort things out… I know that lots of things happened between you, horrible things, things that shouldn't have happened... but, why forget about the good times? Why forget about how much you guys loved to tease each other, how much you enjoyed spending time together._

_Look at Amber and me. We wanted to be together but fate parted us in the most atrocious way you can imagine. Everyone seeks the missing piece of their souls but just very few find it. You two have found it. You found each other. You guys fit one another perfectly, like you were always meant to be together. Don't throw it away._

_I know all of this doesn't change the fact that you really screwed your relationship up and that House did something completely crazy. But life's too short to push away the person you love even though he's done something that's beyond insane, don't you think?_

_With love,_

_James Wilson_"


	10. Chapter 10

**I can't even find the right words to tell you how much your reviews cheer me up :D I really appreciate it when you take a few minutes of your busy day to write me your thoughts about this story. Thank you so much, guys :D**

**I know it took me kinda long to write chapter 10 but life kept me busy.**

**Anyway, here is chapter 10 which I wouldn't have been able to finish if it wasn't for ****Max (allthingsdecent)**** who always is able to catch my muse give her back to me when she temporary leaves me ;)**

**Big thanks also goes to ****Jane (LEfan77)**** and ****Inês (Sheis1963) ****for beta reading :D**

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><p><strong>Chapter 10<strong>

Cuddy was shocked. Overwhelmed. Paralyzed and everything else that describes the feeling of discomfort.

She should have fucking known it! She should have known that something like this would be the content of the letter!

Why the fuck did she come to him? Why didn't she just read the letter on her own?

She had the urge to cry. The urge to shout.

She gripped her purse and got up from the couch quickly. She needed to get out of his apartment. She needed to get away from all the memories. She needed to get away from HIM. This was just too much.

"Don't go."

She ignored him and kept approaching the front door.

"It was your decision to read the letter together with me. You came to me. Now stay and face the consequences like I did when I drove a fucking car into your house!" His voice was loud, angry and full of regret.

She stopped walking and let go of her handbag. Slowly, she turned around to face him and noticed that by now he had gotten up from the couch as well.

"Do you think you are the only one that had to face consequences because of that?"  
>She took a few steps closer to him. Tears were on her cheeks. Her facial expression was full of pain.<p>

"Rachel and I lost our home! We had to move away from Jersey! Rachel had to go to a new pre-school, she had to find new friends! I had to give up my job at PPTH! Do you think all of this was easy? Do you think it was great to get attacked with a car by the man you love? Do you really think it was easy to build a new life somewhere where you actually don't want to be?" With each word the tears ran down her face and with each sentence she made one or two steps closer to him. Right now they were parted by no more than two feet.

"I always wished it was all just a nightmare… But as much as I tried to, I just didn't wake up." She was already standing so close to him that she could feel the warmth his body emanated. Her voice wasn't as loud as it had been earlier.

"I didn't wake up either. I'm still locked up in this horrible dream in which I turned into a psycho and pushed away the woman I love." He  
>whispered it but he sounded dead serious.<p>

Cuddy looked up into the eyes she had always loved so much and violently took hold of his t-shirt. "Don't say that!"

"What?"

"That you love me!"

"I do."

"I don't wanna hear it!" She was mad. Really mad.

"I can stop saying it but it won't change the fact that I do!"

"I hate you!" Her hands were still buried in his shirt. She had a

surprisingly firm grip on it. Her eyes were on his, staring into his soul, waiting for him to say anything.

But he didn't… He stayed quiet. He was just looking at her with his  
>wonderful big blue eyes that were filled with pain and love and fear.<p>

"Say something!" She hissed after he stayed quiet for another few moments.

It wasn't like him not to counter. He always had to say something. ALWAYS!

"Just say something!" She was angry, she was mad, she was hurt,  
>disappointed, desperate and tired.<p>

By now her cheeks were covered with tears. Her body started shaking due to the crying.

She was having a meltdown. Once again. And once again he was around to witness it.

Each of her tears were tearing his heart apart. Her condition was his  
>fault. Almost everything that went wrong in her life was his fault and<br>this fact made him want to vomit.

His hand went to hers and freed his t-shirt from her grip, then he softly laid his hand on her smaller back and pulled her closer.

She didn't object. Not at all. She leaned into him and started sobbing  
>into his shoulder. Her arms made their way around him and gripped on him for dear life.<p>

It was like a déjà vu. She was once again seeking comfort in him after she'd just told him that she hated him. This kind of confused and worried him at the same time.

Tentatively, his hand started caressing up and down her spine. He wanted to comfort her. He wanted to calm her down and this action was the only one he came up with to do that. Back then, when they were still together it always soothed her when he'd caressed the area around her spine.

When Cuddy felt House's hand on her spine her breath caught inside her throat. His touch was so incredibly soft and careful that her body got covered in goose bumps immediately.

Being near him felt so good… it felt incredible. How the hell could  
>something that is completely and totally wrong feel so wonderful? Why did she still – after everything he did to her – feel secure in his arms? Why the fuck did he still make her feel like a sixteen year old that was madly in love? This was just crazy! She was crazy!<p>

Cuddy slowly broke away from their embrace. She thought about it for a few moments before she dared to look up at him. She was pretty surprised to see a worried expression on his face.

She was even more surprised when she suddenly felt his warm hands on her cheeks. His thumbs softly wiped away her tears as his eyes were looking deeply into hers.

Cuddy swallowed and closed her eyes for a fraction of a second to capture this moment. To capture the feeling of his touch. The feeling of being close to him.

She made one step back and, in the process, freed herself from his hold as well as from his intense stare. "I … I shouldn't have come over…" Her voice was soft, sounded vulnerable and confused.

She turned around, walked away from him and picked up her purse form the floor.

Before House was able to find the right words to say she was already gone.

He let out a sigh and dropped down on his couch once more.

She ran away again. She left him once again after initiating physical  
>contact with him. And this time he wasn't sure if he would ever see her again.<p>

He gripped the bottle of Whiskey from the coffee table and took a big sip from the bitter liquid.

Life fucking sucked!

TBC...

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><p><strong>I know it is pretty depressing but I promise: It will get better :D<strong>  
><strong><br>Free cookies for people that leave a review xD**


	11. Chapter 11

**Thank for sticking with this story and for leaving me all these amazing reviews. You guys rock!**

**Another thank you and a big hug goes to Jane and Inês for beta reading :D**

**Now enjoy reading chapter 11! :D**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 11<strong>

Two weeks passed since she came back from Princeton and since she had last spoken to, or seen House.

She and Rachel were finally back in their own house, trying to move on.

That was actually everything she had done in Boston so far. She had tried to move on, to forget about the time in Princeton and especially to forget about him.

But the more she tried to forget the more she missed her old life.

For her, being in Boston, living in this house and working in this new hospital still seemed like a temporary solution.

But it wasn't temporary. Not at all.

* * *

><p>Rachel put aside her crayon. "Look Mom!"<p>

Cuddy removed her gaze from her laptop and looked over at her daughter who was sitting on the floor surrounded by something close to 30 crayons and felt pens.

"It's uncle Wilson." Rachel announced and held out one of her drawings towards her mother.

Cuddy smiled and suppressed the urge to tear up. "That's absolutely lovely, Rachel…"

"I also drew you!" The girl handed her mother another drawing.

Cuddy looked at it and her heart stopped suddenly … Well not really, but it sure felt like for a few seconds.

On the drawing there was a woman with black curly hair, which was obviously her, standing on a meadow that was covered with tons of flowers, next to her was a man… A man holding a cane in his right hand.

House.

Rachel drew House.

"You don't like it?" Rachel asked concerned when she saw the weird expression plastered on her mother's face.

Cuddy cleared her throat. "I… I do like it, Rachel. A lot… It's just… You remember House?"

Rachel looked down to the floor like she was ashamed of something and nodded.

"Why didn't you tell me, honey?" Cuddy took Rachel's arm and gently pulled her closer to her.

"You always got so sad when I talked about him so I stopped."

"Oh, baby… You know that you don't have to hide anything from me." Cuddy caressed the little girl's cheek and pulled her onto her lap. "Do you think about him a lot?"

Rachel shrugged. "I really liked to play with him…" Her lips formed a petit smile. "He was so funny and he really was good at playing the piano… and his pancakes were the best ever!"

Cuddy sighed. "They were delicious, weren't they?"

"Totally yummy!"

Cuddy looped her arms around her daughter and gave her a tight hug.

"Are we gonna see him again someday?" Rachel murmured into her mother's shoulder.

Cuddy hesitated before answering. "… I don't know, honey."

Rachel didn't say anything to that. She would like to see him again but she wasn't going to tell her mom that. She had the sad look on her face once again and she didn't like that. Not at all.

* * *

><p>Cuddy couldn't sleep that night.<p>

She couldn't believe that Rachel still remembered House, she couldn't believe that she obviously seemed to miss him.

How could she not have noticed that? What kind of a mother was she when she didn't even notice when Rachel was bothered by something?

Cuddy pulled the comforter up, placing it under her chin. What the hell was wrong with her?

She was holding onto the most insane guy in the world like her life depended on it, she had no clue how her own daughter was feeling and she had even less clue about her own feelings.

All those latest events had thrown her completely off track and she had no idea on how to get back on track again and this scared the shit out of her.

How was she supposed to move on when she constantly thought of House? And how the hell was she supposed to accept Wilson's dead? He had been her only friend, the only one she had been able to talk to.

She felt left alone.

* * *

><p>The morning traffic was crazy.<p>

The ride to the hospital took her twice as long as usual and, therefore, she was later and even crankier than she already had been due to the lack of sleep last night.

She let out an annoyed groan when nurse Stella approached her right after she entered the building. She had hoped she would have a few minutes before the first person came to complain or to ask for something.

"Morning, Dr. Cuddy. There is a man waiting for you in your office."

Cuddy didn't bother to greet her back. She knew Stella wouldn't take it personally. "I don't remember having any appointments today."

"I know… but he said he's a friend of yours and that he needs to talk to you."

Cuddy's heartbeat quickened… She felt a knot forming in her throat.

She had an assumption of who the intruder could be and she had no clue if she hoped that it wasn't him or if she actually wanted it to be him. Maybe both.

After a few moments she dared to ask: "He…" She swallowed. "… does he have a cane?"

"Yes… Nurse Amy said that she has already seen him here a few weeks ago."

It was him.

Who else existed that would be there to see her that morning though? It's not like there were many options.

"Are you okay, Dr. Cuddy?" Stella asked after she noticed her boss' face becoming slightly pale.

"Yeah… " Cuddy said in the most professional voice she could manage to talk in ."I'm fine… I'll be in my office if anyone needs anything" She turned around and disappeared from the lobby.

* * *

><p>The nearer Cuddy got to her office the quicker her heartbeat got.<p>

What the hell was House doing there?

Why did he have to make everything even more complicated than it already was?

She took a deep breath before she reached for the door knob and opened the door to her office… there he was.

House.

He was sitting on her couch with his cell phone in his hands which he had obviously been playing on before she entered the room.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Cuddy crossed her arms in front of her chest.

He put down his cell on the coffee table and looked up at her.

He decided not to pussyfoot around it and to just spill the beans. "I sent Foreman my resignation."

Cuddy thought she might have misunderstood but when his serious facial expression didn't change she knew that he indeed had quit his job.

He had resigned.

"What? Why would you even do that?" Cuddy was indignant. His job was the only thing he still had. He had lost her and he had lost Wilson and now he gave up his job as well? Was this another one of his plans to self-destruct himself?

"Because Boreman annoys the crap out of me, my team treats me like I'm a lunatic who needs a babysitter 24/7 and the new oncologist that has placed his arrogant ass into Wilson's office is a moron. I have no reason to stay there any longer. Everyone I used to have fun with at work is gone. And there's even worse: I have to pay for lunch myself. These are unacceptable working conditions so I quit."

Cuddy was shaking her head in disbelief. "If you are here to apply for a job in this hospital, you can leave right now..."

"I'm not."

"So why are you here then? Did my mom tell you I was dying again or something?" Cuddy might have seemed annoyed but, actually, she was just totally confused.

"No... I actually came to say good bye."

She looked at him questioningly.

"I sold my apartment last week... I'm leaving the states."

Cuddy had pictured lots of things but this definitely wasn't one of them

"You... eh... Where are you going?"

"Germany… They are trying out a new kind of physiotherapy that is primarily specializing in retraining harmed string muscles and, plus, I got a job offer at a hospital in Berlin."

Cuddy was stunned... but in a good way. He seriously wanted to leave the states?

She didn't know what to think, what to say or what to do. She was a total mess inside.

"Wow… I… It's really great that you want to try PT…"

"But?" House asked after he noticed that she obviously wanted to add something to her sentence but decided not to.

"No buts."

House got up from the couch and slowly limped over to her. When he thought that he was close enough he stopped and asked again, this time a lot gentler. "But..?"

She looked directly at him for a short moment before she averted her eyes to the floor. "Germany is far away."

"It is… but who cares? It's not like anyone is going to miss me… or to come to visit me."

She didn't know what to say… She was caught between the devil and the deep blue sea.

"Don't say that." Her voice was weak.

"We both know it's true."

No it's not, Cuddy thought but didn't say it out loud.

"When are you leaving?" She asked.

"Plane goes tonight."

"Already?" By now it was clearly visible that Cuddy was upset.

"Yes… I have nothing to wait for"

Cuddy finally dared to look at his eyes.

She wanted him to stay. Not just in the US, but with her. She didn't want him to leave.

But she couldn't tell him that. After everything he had done, she just couldn't.

After she didn't say anything he murmured: "I think... I'll leave then…" His voice was unusually calm.

Cuddy had to try really hard in order not to start crying then and there.

He had already turned around to leave when Cuddy suddenly caught a hold of his upper arm.

He stopped and turned to her again. "Take care." It was a whisper, but he heard it clearly.

He looked at her and nodded.

Then he took a deep breath, turned around and left.

This time he was absolutely sure: He just saw the love of his life for the very last time.

He'd wanted to take one last look at her before closing the office door but he didn't want her to see the wetness in his eyes.

If he had turned around, though, he would have seen wetness in her eyes too. Wetness and pain.

**TBC...**

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><p><strong>So? What do you say? Liked it? Didn't like it? Any suggestions what I should change or do better? Any wishes? Don't hesitate to tell me :)<strong>

**Enjoy life and take care :D**


	12. Chapter 12

**Thank you so, so much for all your wonderful reviews**

**JLCH, berenice, GratefulInsomniac, IHeartHouseCuddy, AT2, Way Worse Than Scottish, Alex, SissiCuddles, HuddyGirl, Abby, MariaCngelica, Alltheloveintheworld, SVClois, koko, partypantscuddy, lenasti16, Josam, GHA, lin12344 and Michelle**

**I really appreciate them! Your feedback really makes me happy. It's so great to see that you like what I'm writing. Thank you so much :)**

**Thanks a lot to**** Jane**** and**** Inês**** for helping me with my grammar problems. Sending both of you big hugs :D**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 12<strong>

She was crying.

Again.

It felt like she hadn't done anything else in the last few weeks.

Her life was a total mess. A mess she had no clue how to free herself from.

She was unhappy and – even worse – Rachel was unhappy as well.

They both didn't feel at home in Boston. They both missed something… Or should she better be saying: They both missed someone?

Cuddy released her right hand from the steering wheel and wiped away the tears from her cheeks.

She couldn't believe that House was moving to Germany.

She hadn't had any contact with him in the last few years but she at least had the feeling that he wasn't far away in case she would like to see him or to talk to him again. But now… Now he was about to move to the other side of the planet. To another continent. More than 3600 miles away from her.

But as weird as it may seem for some people who, by any change, were in possession of a brain: she didn't want him to go.

The moment he'd told her he was moving was the moment she'd realized that she didn't want him to go anywhere.

She'd realized that she still wanted him. Even after everything he had done to her.

She didn't like the fact that she still loved him but she had no influence on it. A greater power had a hand in it. A power that was far stronger than all the rationality she possessed.

She'd tried to ignore her feelings, she had denied them and tried to switch them off. When they met again at Wilson's funeral, she'd tried to keep a certain distance between them but, somehow, she'd ended up in his arms seeking some sort of comfort anyway. She had been mean and unfriendly, she had pushed him away to prove to him as well as to her herself that it was over between them, but, in the end, all she had proved to herself was that it was far from being over.

* * *

><p>"Hi Mom!" Rachel ran over to Cuddy who was standing in front of their Lexus waiting for her.<p>

"Hey honey!" Cuddy smiled down at her daughter and hoped she wouldn't notice that she had cried heavily just a few minutes ago. She had put on fresh make up as well as mascara in order to cover up all traces of tears, but she knew that Rachel wasn't easy to fool. "How was your day?"

The little girl smiled and announced proudly: "I made a clay elephant today!"

"Really?"

"Yeah… but it just looks like a dog with a trunk." Rachel started giggling.

Cuddy laughed as well. It wasn't entirely forced but it wasn't coming directly from her heart either.

They both got into the vehicle. Cuddy made sure that Rachel fastened the security belt properly and then she started the car.

"Rach?"

"Hm?"

"Would you like to spend your afternoon with aunt Julia? They are going to the cinema to watch Alvin and the Chipmunks. She called earlier and asked if you wanted to come along…" It was just half a lie. Actually it was her that had called Julia and asked if she could take Rachel to the cinema.

"Yeah! Are you coming too?"

"I'd love to baby but I can't… I need to go back to the hospital." Another lie she felt guilty about but she had no other choice.

Rachel sighed… She would love if her mom came along but understood that she sometimes couldn't. She was very important for the hospital. She had to make sure that everyone that was sick had a doctor so that they could make them better again.

"But in the evening my time is yours and yours alone, ok?" Cuddy squeezed the hand of her little angel in a very soft and motherly way.

The girl nodded and smiled. "kay"

Cuddy smiled back at her and thanked fate for her wonderful baby girl.

* * *

><p>The Boston Inn was the 6th hotel she called and she was very relieved when the desk clerk confirmed that they had a guest named Gregory House.<p>

It didn't take her much time to consider it before she jumped into her car and started to make her way to the hotel.

She wanted to ask him to stay. At least a few days longer.

She wanted to talk to him. She wanted to have an adult conversation.

The traffic was still pretty bad so it took her longer than expected until she finally parked her car in front of the Boston Inn.

"Welcome to the Boston Inn. What can I do for you?" The woman behind the counter smiled at her.

"Hi… I would like to know in what room Dr. Gregory House is?"

"Wait a second." The young woman said and typed the name into her computer. A few moments later she looked up at Cuddy again. "I'm sorry but Dr. House checked out about 40 minutes ago."

Cuddy closed her eyes for a second and choked back the urge to curse. "Do you know where he wanted to go? Is he already on the way to the airport?"

"Sorry I don't know."

She sighed. "Okay… Thank you anyway."

"You are welcome." The woman smiled sympathetically at her.

Cuddy turned around and left the hotel again. She was pissed. Pissed off. Mainly at herself.

She was mean to House. Mean and unfair. Sure he made a huge mistake but he had paid for it. He had paid for it in many ways and in the end, he even apologized. He'd tried hard to be a better person and she hadn't appreciated it at all. Not even once. All she had done was to shout at him and to send him mixed signals by permanently seeking comfort in his arms and pushing him away afterwards.

She pulled her phone out of her purse and googled for the number of the airport.

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><p>It was too late.<p>

The guy from the airport said that the plane to Berlin would leave in half an hour and that the boarding had already started.

There was no way that she could get to the airport in less than 20 minutes and even if she could, she wouldn't have a chance to stop House since they would never let her go into the boarding area without having a ticket.

She put her head on the steering wheel. A few tears were running down her cheeks.

This time, she'd screwed it up. Big time.

TBC

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading :)<strong>

**Enjoy life and take care!**


	13. Chapter 13

**I'm back! And the next chapter will be uploaded soon since I already know exactly what I wanna write.**

**Thank you all so much for sticking with this story and thanks for all your lovely reviews :)**

**And thanks a lot to my two beta girls Inês (****Sheis1963****) and Jane (****LEfan77****) :D **

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><p><strong>Chapter 13<strong>

"Hey, what are you doing already back here? Did you finish earlier?" Julia asked when she opened the door and found her sister standing on the other side of it. Cuddy had actually told her she would pick up Rach at about seven pm. Now it was only a few minutes before five.

"We… eh… rescheduled." Cuddy told Julia she had a board meeting and that this was the reason why she needed her to watch Rachel. She didn't want to tell her about the real reason. She knew that Julia wouldn't be happy about it. She and House never liked each other and the car incident didn't change it for the better.

"Is everything alright Lisa? You look kinda pale." Julia looked at her concerned.

"Yeah, sure. I'm fine. Just a bit tired." She tried to hide how sad she was by speaking in her most professional administrator voice and surprisingly it seemed to be convincing enough for her sister.

"The kids are playing in the living room. We just got home from the cinema." Julia made room for her sister to enter the house. "Come on in."

Cuddy went past her and kicked off her shoes in order not to damage the new parquet floor with her high heels.

"Marcel just went to get some pizza… if you want I can call him and tell him to bring some for you as well." Julia offered.

Cuddy declined and told her that she had already eaten a sandwich earlier.

It was another lie. She hadn't actually eaten anything since breakfast but she wasn't hungry nor did she have the nerves to play happy families with her sister when she actually wanted and needed to be somewhere else.

Julia was surprised when Cuddy didn't even let Rachel eat her pizza. She just took her daughter and left.

And even though it kinda worried Julia she accepted it. Her sister was going through a hard time. She was still pretty confused about the death of her best friend and about the encounter with the craziest man in the world aka Greg House.

She had the right to act weird.

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><p>He couldn't see the ground anymore. All his eyes could catch sight of were clouds and the bright blue of the sky.<p>

The sun was burning through the small window onto his hand and reminded him of Cuddy and how much she loved the heat.

In the summer, after work he had often found her in the garden on a canvas chair absorbing the sun and enjoying the warmth.

Sometimes he would sit down next to her and she would get up from the chair to sit with him on the ground. And despite the heat she would lean into him and enjoy the sun with him together.

He missed those times. A lot.

Sometimes he even thought that he missed them so much that he might die. But life was cruel. It didn't just let you die… It tortures you before.

He took the can of coke from the folding table, took a sip and tried not to think about how Cuddy would always give him a lecture when she saw him drinking from a can.

He swallowed the cold liquid and came to the conclusion that it was the right choice to leave. He needed to get away from the US and from all the memories there.

Maybe in Europe he would get better. Maybe the therapy will help his leg. Maybe he will have an acceptable life there. He had no clue. Everything could happen.

He just knew one thing for sure: Whatever happened he would never stop thinking about Cuddy. He would never stop loving her.

Never.

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><p>"I won again!" Rachel announced proudly.<p>

Cuddy gave her a small smile. "You did baby."

They were playing car racing on the play station that had actually belonged to House once, for about 40 minutes. Rachel had won each game.

"My pink car is really a fast one." Rach put the controller of the play station on the coffee table, took a big sip of her orange juice and asked: "Can we play again?"

No answer from Cuddy.

Rachel looked at her mother confused and gently poked her on the arm. "Mommy?"

"Huh?" Cuddy came back from the world of her thoughts to reality.

"You sad?"

Cuddy smiled at her little girl who had a worried expression on her face. "Come here honey."

Rachel did like she was told and went over to the couch where her mom was sitting.

Cuddy took hold of the hands of her girl. "I am a little bit sad… but it is nothing that a hug from you can't fix."

The kid smiled, got onto the couch, threw her arms around her mother and hugged her tightly.

"I don't like it when you're sad." Rachel murmured into Cuddy's neck.

"I know sweetheart… I don't like it when you are sad either." She caressed her daughter's back with her fingers.

"You feel better already?" Rach asked after a few moments of silence they had spent hugging each other.

"A lot better." She pressed a kiss on the little girl's forehead.

"Can we play another round of car racing then?"

Cuddy chuckled and released her daughter from her arms. "We sure can… And this time I'm going to win."

Rachel let out a loud laugh, like what her mother just said was the most hilarious thing she had ever heard. "You are so not going to win… I'll kick your butt."

Cuddy laughed. Her little girl always managed to make her feel better.

She was her sun, her life… her everything.

But as wonderful her daughter was and as much as she loved her, she could not fill out the spot House used to have in her life.

And Cuddy wasn't sure if she wanted to live with that empty spot any longer.

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><p>She had just put Rachel to sleep and was now lying in her own bed.<p>

She had actually wanted to finish reading her romance but, somehow, all she could do was think about House.

She regretted that just let him go when he'd come to her office that morning.

Why hadn't she just asked him if they could talk or if he could reschedule his flight? Why the hell had it taken her so long to realize that her life without him sucks even more than her life with him ever did?

Cuddy sighed.

This was not how her life was supposed to be at that time. This was not what she wanted for herself and for Rachel. This didn't make them happy.

Rachel sure was content but Cuddy knew that she was missing something in her life. She wasn't missing a father but she was missing a father figure. She was missing someone that did all kind of crazy stuff with her and someone she could go to when she was arguing with her mother. And House had been this person for Rachel… He sure was not the usual father figure you would imagine but he was a better one than most kids had.

He wasn't good with people but he was good with kids. He knew how to deal with them. He knew how to make them laugh, he knew all kinds of funny things to do with them and to handle all their "why"- questions. He could explain complicated things in a way to them that makes it seem like it's the most simplest issue in the world and he manages to make almost each kid fall in love with him despite all his flaws and all his mistakes.

He thought of himself as a bad person but that actually was the last thing he was. He sure was damaged and screwed up and sometimes he lost control but deep down he wasn't a bad person.

Cuddy took her cell phone from the bedside table and checked the time.

9:30 pm. It was too early for her to go to sleep. She wasn't tired enough yet.

So she got up from the bed again, making her way to the living room to check if they were showing something acceptable on TV, when she suddenly realized what she wanted to do and stopped dead in her tracks.

Her lips formed a small smile.

What she was about to do was crazy, probably even irresponsible and a normal human being would definitely think that she must have gone insane.

She turned around, sat down behind her desk and switched on her MacBook.

When she opened the webpage she was looking for her smile grew even brighter. It was totally crazy but she couldn't care less because for the first time in years she was following her heart and fuck… it felt right.

**TBC...**

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><p><strong>Thanks a lot for reading! :D<strong>

**If you have any suggestions, whishes, ideas or just anything to say please let me know :)**


	14. Chapter 14

**You guys are so great, you know that right? I love your reviews so, so much please keep them coming! :D  
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**I'd like to thank everyone that reads this story and I hug everyone who left a some feedback :D  
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**Another huge hug goes to Jane and Inês for beta reading. Thanks girls :D  
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**And JLCH don't worry, I did not run out of ideas but I always like when people tell me what they would like to happen in my stories. More brains have more ideas and it is possible that one idea is a really good one I actually never would have thougt about so I really appreciate it to read about your thoughts and ideas because they inspire me.  
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**Now go and read this extra long chapter :)  
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><p><strong>Chapter 14<strong>

His new apartment was huge.

He wouldn't have taken it if it hadn't been his only option, and since you don't have lots of choices when you start looking for a furnished apartment five days before you want to move in, he settled for it. You have to take what you get even if the bathroom looks girlish and even if you don't need a 160 square feet kitchen.

The first night in Berlin he wasn't able to sleep at all. The jetlag was bothering him and so was his leg. Furthermore, his thoughts were out of control and every time he tried to close his eyes all he could think about was Cuddy and that he would probably never see her again.

The second night wasn't any better. Not at all. But at least he was able to catch a few hours of sleep even though it wasn't a peaceful one.

He dreamt about his father telling him he was a horrible person and that he deserved every single second of his misery. Then all of a sudden John was gone and Wilson was standing in front of him accusing him of killing Amber and blaming him for ruining his life. Unexpectedly, Wilson morphed into a petite woman. Cuddy. She was looking at him with glistening eyes filled with hatred. She told him she wished they had never met. She told him that she regretted every second she'd spent with him. She told him that she hated him and that Rachel hated him as well. And that everyone else should too because all he deserved was hatred.

When he woke up he was covered in sweat and his heart was beating as if he had just ran a marathon.

He felt moisture dropping from his cheek. First he thought it were drops of sweat but then he realized that it wasn't just perspiration and he hated it.

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><p>"Good morning sweetheart." Cuddy drew open the curtains in her daughter's room.<p>

Rachel protested with a loud "mhhhh" and pulled her stuffed sheep over her eyes to cover them from the bright light that now emerged into her room.

Cuddy smiled, sat down on the edge of her daughter's bed, pressed a kiss to her cheek and whispered: "Time to get up."

"Nooo." The little girl murmured sleepily.

"But it would be really sad if no one ate the chocolate chip pancakes I made."

"Pancakes?" Rachel asked in the cutest voice Cuddy had heard in her entire life.

"Yes and if you want you can even put maple syrup on them."

Rachel threw her stuffed sheep into a corner and sat up. "Ok, I'm awake now."

"Great! Let's go and eat breakfast then."

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><p>"Rach?"<p>

"Hm!" the little girl looked up at her mom while she was chewing down her pancake with a smile on her face.

"I have to talk to you about something." Cuddy put the glass of orange juice out of Rachel's way so she wouldn't accidently spill it.

"Bout what?"

"Remember when you asked me if we were going to see House again a few days ago?"

Rachel nodded.

"Well I thought about it… and I think that maybe it would be a good idea if we visited him."

The little girl's face lit up and her eyes widened. "Really?"

"Yeah. Really." Cuddy smiled at her daughter's excitement.

"Yeah!" Rach got up from her chair and practically jumped at her mom to give her a hug. "I so wanna go and visit him!"

"That's what I thought honey..."

"Can I go and pack my bag?" Rachel was talking so fast that Cuddy hardly understood what she was saying.

"You can do that after you get home from school today..."

"We not going today?"

"No we will leave tomorrow morning so we still have some time to pack."

"Can't we go right now?" The whining undertone in her voice might have been a bit annoying but at the same time it was beyond cute.

"I'm sorry baby but we won't go there by car. House lives in Europe now and that is quite far away from here. We have to take a plane to go there, and our plane tickets are only for tomorrow."

"Can't we just switch them and go today?"

"It doesn't work like that, Rach." Cuddy gently put a strand of her daughter's uncombed hair behind her ear. "We have to wait until tomorrow."

"OK." Rachel sighed but gave in. She knew that whining wouldn't change anything about it and, actually, she was just really, really glad that they would go and see House whether it would happen today or tomorrow.

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><p>Cuddy wasn't still quite sure about her decision. While the irrational side of her brain was totally fine with her choice, the rational side kept reminding her about all the insane things he did. Things she should actually never forgive him for.<p>

But Cuddy knew that even though what he did was really, really crazy and extremely horrible, he was not a bad person. Back then he hadn't known how to handle the emotional pain he was feeling. He'd freaked out. His world had been crashing down on him that night. Until then he'd thought that there was still a possibility of them getting back together, but then, all his hopes were ripped from him. He thought she'd lied to him. In that moment he had felt so much pain and rage that he just lost control.

Now it might have been sounding that she was trying to justify what he did, but that was not what it was. Cuddy was just trying to look at it objectively. She knew she probably shouldn't. She knew that she probably shouldn't even consider flying to him and doing whatever she would decide on doing but she just had to.

House had paid for what he did. He had been in jail where he went through hell, he had lost her and in the end he had also lost his best friend. The last few years of his life had sucked big time and it was time to make it at least a little bit better.

She knew that it shouldn't be her to take over but who else would do it? Who else would really care? And the weirdest thing of all was: She didn't want it to be someone else because, despite everything, she still loved him.

Yeah, that was truth, the truth she had been ignoring and denying for the last few years: She still loved Greg House and apparently there was nothing in the world that could ever change that.

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><p><strong>Next day<strong>

It was quite a hectic morning. Her fill-in at the hospital called 3 times to ask all kinds of unimportant stuff, plus Rachel was all hyper and overly excited and had already been up since 5am, running through the house like crazy.

When they were finally at the airport the stress didn't really decrease. The check in went quite fast but then they had to wait in line for about half an hour until the security guys finally checked them out and sent them to their gate.

Cuddy hadn't really thought about what they were doing, she had been just too busy to think about anything but when they opened the gate and started letting people on the plane it all hit her: They really were on their way to see House. They were on their way to Germany, to Berlin, to House.

"Mommy! We need to go!" Rachel called when she noticed that the group of people in the waiting area got smaller and smaller.

Cuddy tore herself away from her thoughts, looked at her daughter, extended her hand to her so she could take it. "Let's go then."

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><p>She got more and more nervous the closer they got to Germany. She asked herself once again if it really was the right choice to be on this plane.<p>

It sure would have been easier to stay in Boston and to keep denying that she still loved and missed him. But when did she ever settle for easy?

"Look mom! The clouds look like fluffy cotton candy!" Rachel shouted excited.

Cuddy looked passed the small window and agreed. "They do."

"I so have to tell House about it… He loves cotton candy!" The little girl giggled and kept looking out of the window.

Cuddy sighed and realized that it didn't matter if she doubted if her decision was right or not. It was too late now anyway. Rachel was so excited to see him that Cuddy would never be able to disappoint her that much by changing her mind.

The damage was done. There was no way out anymore. They had to see House. She had to go through with it. There was no backing down.

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><p>Berlin was unexpectedly beautiful. Cuddy fell in love with all the huge parks and forests that, according to the cab driver covered a third of the entire town.<p>

It took them about half an hour to get from the airport to their hotel to check in and to drop off their luggage.

Cuddy actually wanted to stay in the hotel for a while in order to postpone the meeting she had been afraid of for days but Rachel had no intention of wasting another minute.

So she decided to call another cab to ride to the hospital she knew House worked in. She had done a bit of research and made a few calls. In her position as a dean of medicine it had been relatively easy to find out which hospital House worked in.

The trip to the hospital was hell. Cuddy's feelings were in a muddle and her heart was beating madly. She couldn't believe that she was really on her way to meet House. It all felt surreal. It felt unreal.

"Are we there yet?" Rachel asked excitedly for about the 10th time in the last 8 minutes.

Cuddy was about to tell her once more that she had no clue since she didn't know the way when the cab suddenly stopped.

She looked out of the window and recognized a hospital. The hospital.

They had reached their destination.

"Yeah…" Cuddy took a deep breath. "We are here."

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><p>It would have taken her much longer to enter the hospital if Rachel hadn't been dragging her into the building.<p>

The familiar hospital smell, that actually used to calm her down, suddenly made her feel even more nervous.

"Where to?" Rachel looked up at her mom.

"I don't know… I guess we have to ask someone." Cuddy took Rachel's hand in order to avoid losing her in any of those big wings and made her way over to the information counter. The nurse sent them to the third floor where House' office was located.

They took the elevator. Rachel was excited and Cuddy was all kind of things she couldn't really describe.

When the doors of the elevator opened with a "bing" Rachel immediately broke free from her mother's grip and started running which left Cuddy no time to hesitate. She had to go after her.

"Rach wait!" Cuddy exited the elevator as well and followed her. When Rachel suddenly stopped dead in tracks Cuddy knew it was him who her daugther just saw and who made her react like that.

A cold shiver went through her body when she looked up and caught sight of him.

He was standing at a counter writing something down.

Her body covered itself with goose bumps and even though she hadn't even talked to him yet she knew she had made the right choice.

Rachel looked up at her mom and silently asked for permission to go to him.

Cuddy just smiled and nodded. And this was all it took for Rachel to shout his name, to run over to him and to hug his left leg.

House was startled by the sudden attack but when he looked down and recognized the little girl he felt, for a second, that he was going to faint.

Rachel… This was Rachel! Cuddy's Rachel!

What the hell is she doing here? What is going on? Why was Rachel here in Germany hugging his leg?

He was confused and overwhelmed. It was obvious that he wanted to ask her something but somehow he couldn't speak.

House removed his eyes from the little girl and then caught sight of the woman he thought he would never see again, ever in his entire life.

Cuddy. His Cuddy.

She was standing a few feet from him with an insecure smile on her lips.

His mouth was slightly ajar and Cuddy could only think about how adorable he looked.

"I missed you so much!" Rachel murmured into his jeans and tightened her grip on him.

He softly put his hand on the kid's head to show her that he felt the same, even though he couldn't say it at that moment.

He was startled once more when he noticed that Cuddy had approached him and was now standing directly in front of him.

His eyes found hers.

"Hi House." She did a crappy job at hiding her nervousness.

"… Hi… Cuddy." He hoped his voice didn't sound as vulnerable to her as it sounded to himself.

"Mommy! We found House!" Rachel shouted excited.

Without removing her eyes from his Cuddy answered: "Yeah… we did."

TBC

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><p><strong>yeah, I know it's mean to stop at this point... but I think it is necessary. <strong>

**I promise you to update the next chapter asap. Leave me some feedback in the meantime.**


	15. Chapter 15

**Ohhh guys, thanks so much for all your wonderful feedback! I'm so happy about every single review I get so please keep them coming :D They are like the air I need to breath xD  
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**I have a message to all the huddy fanfic writers out there: Please keep writing! Please! Fanfic is all we have left so please keep creating all those wonderful stories! :)  And I **have a message to all the huddy fans that don't write fics: Write reviews! When you read a fanfic you like review it so the writer knows that you are still interessted and that you want them to go on!  
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**This chapter is beta read by Jane (LEfan77) and Sydney (partypantscuddy). Thanks a lot girls :D  
><strong>

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><p><strong>Chapter 15<strong>

_His eyes found hers._

"_Hi House." She did a crappy job at hiding her nervousness._

"… _Hi… Cuddy." He hoped his voice didn't sound as vulnerable to her as it sounded to himself._

"_Mommy! We found House!" Rachel shouted excited._

_Without removing her eyes from his Cuddy answered: "Yeah… we did."_

He couldn't believe it.

He couldn't fucking believe it.

Cuddy and Rachel… they were here. The people he thought he would never ever see again were standing directly in front of him.

His heart was pounding madly and a cold, excited shiver went through his body. His eyes were still fixed on hers. He was unable to look away and he was even more unable to come up with something clever to say.

He was totally thrown off hook. He was overwhelmed. Her coming to Germany was the last thing he had reckoned with. The very last thing.

"We came with the plane, House!" Rachel announced happily and therefore drew the attention of both the adults to her. "It was really huge and it had TVs in it… And the clouds looked like cotton candy!"

"See? Now you know why I always said that cotton candy is a gift from heaven." While saying it he asked himself if she even would get his joke but when she started giggling hysterically he knew that she did.

House adverted his gaze from the little Cuddy to the other Cuddy lady and found her smiling brightly at the little girl.

In that moment she looked so incredibly beautiful that he just wanted to kiss her. Right here, right now, in the middle of the hospital.

"You guys are crazy for coming."

"We know…" Cuddy took a few steps closer to him. "And despite realizing it we came anyway."

"You shouldn't have…"

"Probably…" She got on her tiptoes, entwined her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. "But we don't care."

His hands went to her back and softly caressed it.

It felt amazing to touch her. It felt amazing to hold her. It felt amazing to feel and to be close to her again.

"It so good to see you." Her voice was hardly louder than a whisper.

"A few days ago you couldn't imagine anything worse than seeing me."

"It had seemed to be the most rational thing to do."

"What changed?" He wanted to know.

Before she was able to answer his pager went off.

"Fuck!" House murmured, let go of Cuddy and pulled out the pager from his pants. He looked at it. "I need to go."

"It's okay… We can talk later."

"My shift ends at 5."

"We will be waiting for you by the entrance." Cuddy assured him.

It was clearly visible that he was everything but amused about the fact that he had to leave. He had this irrational fear that she would go away again. "Ok."

"See you later, smurf." House said to Rachel who once again started laughing.

He made his way over to the elevator before he turned around again to look at Cuddy. He still couldn't believe that she really was here and he was scared like hell that she wouldn't be here anymore after his shift, that she would leave again.

She somehow must have sensed his fear because before House got into the elevator she said once again: "We will be there."

House nodded, smiled a little and then disappeared behind the elevator doors.

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><p>Cuddy was absolutely sure she had made the right choice.<p>

His reaction at seeing her and Rachel was exactly what she had hoped it would be. His eyes were sparkling when he caught sight of them and she hadn't been able to miss the fact that her and Rachel's presence had thrown him completely off hook. House had looked so damn adorable when he had stared at them with his mouth ajar in surprise.

She had wanted to kiss him at that moment. Her hormones had rushed through her body and her heart had been beating crazily. It was the very first time in years that she admitted that he had these influences on her, that he was the reason why her skin got covered with goose bumps when she looked into his eyes and that he was responsible for all these naughty dreams she had each time after seeing him. She was just head over heels in love with that guy. Despite his craziness, despite his inability to open up about his feelings and despite the fact he did the most insane thing she had ever heard about.

She had wished she could somehow stop loving him. She had wished she would find a way to switch off her feelings but there was no such thing.

She had obviously been cursed to love him as long as she lived and she had now reached the point that she didn't want to fight it any longer.

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><p>"Is it 5 yet?" Rachel asked as they left a store, Cuddy had just bought a dress for herself as well as for her daughter.<p>

"Not for another 2 hours sweetie."

Rachel pouted. "That's sooo looong."

"You have to learn to be a little bit more patient, Rach"

"But it's so hard mommy."

"I know…" Cuddy bent down and kissed the forehead of her little angel. "How about we go to a toy store in the mean time. You can pick anything you want."

Rachel's face lit up. "Really?"

"Really." She assured.

"Can I pick something for House too?" Rachel then asked.

Cuddy smiled. "Sure you can… We don't want him to be jealous when you get something and he doesn't, do we?"

"No."

"Come on. Let's go, honey." Cuddy took her hand and both of them went in the direction of the big mall that was just across the street.

Cuddy had a big smile on her face the whole time.

Rachel obviously was as fascinated by House as she was. Her unbelievable joy to meet him again had made her heart melt.

The little girl absolutely and totally adored House. He was and always had been kind of a hero for her. That's why she had sworn to herself never to tell Rachel about the car incident. She didn't wanna destroy the picture she had of him. Not under any circumstances. There are just some things your kids didn't need to know… For their own good.

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><p>House hadn't been able to think properly the entire afternoon. His thoughts had been circling around Cuddy non-stop.<p>

So he was more than just glad when he was finally able to leave. It wasn't 5 pm yet. Of course not. When he had no real case he always left earlier. It had been like that in Princeton and so it was here as well.

The elevator ride from the third floor to the entrance lobby took forever. When the elevator doors finally opened and he was able to get out he immediately started to look for the two Cuddy ladies.

He knew that they probably wouldn't be here yet so he told himself to stay calm even though they weren't present at that time. He was half an hour too early so there was really no reason to worry yet.

But to his great surprise Cuddy and Rachel were already here.

They were sitting on a bench next to the gift shop. Rachel was telling her mom about something enthusiastically which made him smile.

The toddler turned into a very intelligent, sweet little girl. But what else did he expect? She had the best mother there was.

House limped through the lobby until he was standing next to the bench the two ladies were sitting on.

"House!" Rachel shouted and got up from the couch to give him a hug.

"Hi munchkin." He patted her head.

"Hi." Cuddy smiled up at him.

"You are here early." House said.

"So are you." She had known he would leave work early. He always had and always would.

With a small smile on his face he nodded. He had completely forgotten that she knew him so well.

"Would you… eh … like to go and grab a bite or something?" He was kinda shy. He didn't really know what was going on and why exactly she was even here, plus he was scared that he would do something to scare her away again.

"Actually I'd prefer if we could go somewhere more private… We need to talk."

"We could go to my apartment?" It wasn't a proposition. It was a question. He wasn't sure if it was okay to invite her over… It seemed kinda pushy.

To House's relief Cuddy agreed: "Okay."

"Okay!" Rachel said as well and brightly smiled up at the two adults.

TBC...

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><p><strong>Tell me what you think :D<strong>


	16. Chapter 16

**Hey there!  
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**I don't know if you still remember me or this stroy xD, if not I'm gonna freshen up your mind a little: I'm the one that promised to update more often as soon as I've holidays. But then I had to write other fanfics (which were for a good cause btw) and then suddenly holidays were almost over. But I finally managed to write a new chapter. Yay :D  
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**Short summary of the last few chapters:  
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**Cuddy and Rachel go to Germany (where House moved to) and there they meet him in the hospital he currently works in. House is totally surprised but can't really talk to them since he has to work. After work Cuddy and Rachel wait for him in the entrance lobby of the hospital and they agree to go to House' appartment to talk.  
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**Thanks a lot for all your wonderful reviews. Special thanks goes to OBSSESSED READER because your lovely review actually made me hurry up with this chapter.  
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**And to Anxious Reader and Truth I finally can say now: Here it is! xD  
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**Thanks a bunch to Jane (LEfan77) for beta reading :D  
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**Gonna shut up now xD  
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><p><strong>Chapter 16<strong>

She hadn't expected his apartment to be this huge.

It was the complete opposite from his old place in Princeton. It looked less masculine, less messy. But this was probably because he hadn't really had time to arrange things the way he liked yet.

As soon as they entered the living room Rachel was completely blown away by the 70 inch LCD TV. "It's like in the cinema." She shouted excitedly as she ran over to the huge apparatus.

House switched on the TV for her before he and Cuddy went back into the huge kitchen.

"You wanna drink something?" House asked – trying to be a good host – as Cuddy dropped down on a chair.

She shook her head no. "Thanks."

He got himself a glass of coke and sat down vis-à-vis.

"How are you doing?" Cuddy asked after a short moment of silence.

He thought about answering with a sarcastic "fantastic" in his fake Doctor Who voice but decided against it.

This wasn't the time to be sarcastic. She came all the way from the States to Germany just for him. For the guy who had destroyed her life.

He had no right to be anything else but serious. He owed her serious answers.

And if he wanted to be friends with her again he better show himself from his very best side.

"Work's boring and PT hurts like hell."

"Are you taking vicodin?" Wilson had told her that House had detoxed again and that he had been clean for a year… But a lot had happened since then. Now she just wanted to know if he was still clean or if the evil addiction got him again.

"Haven't taken a pill in 15 months… Though I considered taking one when Wilson died."

"But you didn't?"

"I almost did… but I promised Wilson on his deathbed that I would try to make the best out of my shitty life."

"You were with him when he died?" Cuddy asked surprised. She thought Wilson had been alone.

"When I got the call that he had an accident in NY, I jumped on my bike and drove to NY General… I came just in time. " He swallowed and whispered the last part of the sentence: "5 minutes later he died."

A tear was rolling down Cuddy's cheek. She whipped it away with the back of her hand before she extended the very same body part for him to take.

He looked at her hand lying on the table, extended, waiting to be taken.

He was confused… For a moment he even had the urge to turn around to check if there was someone else in the room but of course there wasn't. She had obviously extended her hand for him to take. For HIM.

Tentatively he moved his hand closer and looked up to see her face. She was apparently sure of what she was doing.

So his thumb touched the back of her hand. And as soon as contact was made a strong, warm feeling went through their bodies.

After all these years and after everything that happened, it still felt incredible to touch each other, to be close to each other.

"I'm so glad you were with him." Cuddy whispered and squeezed his hand. "I hated the thought of him dying all alone in a hospital bed."

"When I came into his hospital room I first thought he didn't recognize me… but then he called me a "grumpy idiot"..."

Both chuckled.

"God, I miss his phone calls so much." Cuddy then said. "We used to talk for hours."

"He was such a chatter box." House rolled his eyes. "I bet you were always up to date with the gossip in PPTH."

Cuddy chuckled again. "I kinda was."

After a short moment House asked: "Did you ever…" He wasn't sure if he even wanted to know the answer to the question he was about to ask. "Did you talk about me?"

She nodded and just this nod took a great weight off his mind. She had thought about him in the last few years, she had wondered how he was doing! It was such a relief. She was obviously never able to move on and to ban him from her life. She hadn't been able to do it more than he had. They always had thought about each other and they always will.

"We did…" She looked down on their still joined hands. "Actually I had asked Wilson not to talk about you but I always found myself asking how you were."

"Doesn't sound like Dr. Lisa Cuddy to break her own rules."

"When it comes to a certain doctor her rules suddenly seem to be non existent."

He smiled. It was a small, sad smile but a smile all the same. "Is this a compliment or an insult?"

She returned his smile while another tear was making its way down her cheek. "Both, I guess."

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><p>When Cuddy went into the living room to check on Rachel she found her asleep on the couch.<p>

It had been an exhausting and exciting day for the little girl so Cuddy wasn't really surprised to find her out like a light.

"If you want you can take her to the guest room." House said as he entered the living room as well.

"It's ok here… We probably should leave anyway."

The word "leave" kinda made him panic. "I thought you wanted to talk?"

"I do." She turned around so that she was facing him. "But we have time… I don't wanna rush things."

He nodded. He understood… even though he'd like to sort out everything immediately. There were so many things he had to tell her.

"We could come over tomorrow evening… We could have dinner together and then we can continue talking."

"Sounds good." He wasn't really enthusiastic about it since he didn't want to wait till tomorrow evening to see her again, plus he still had this irrational fear that she'd be gone once she was out of his sight. But he accepted her decision. What other choice did he have anyway?

She noticed that something was wrong, something was worrying him and so she took his hand in hers. "Stop worrying so much. We came here for you… and we are not gonna leave until you and I had a proper talk about all the shit that happened. Got that?"

A small smile crept on his lips… "Got it."

God, how much he had missed bossy Cuddy.

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><p><strong>TBC...<strong>

**I know it wasn't long but it's still better than nothing, right?**

**In case you were wondering: I still love reviews xD**


	17. Chapter 17

**Hi guys! After reading all your reviews in which you told me that the last chapter wasn't enough after such a long dry spell I took pity on you and hurried up with chapter 17 which is extra long btw.  
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**Thanks a lot for all your awesome reviews and for all the favs and the follows :D  
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**A big hug goes to Jane (LEfan77) for beta reading :D  
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><p><strong>Chapter 17<strong>

He was sitting on the couch, a glass of whiskey in his right hand, thinking about Cuddy.

He had never ever reckoned that she'd give him a chance to talk, that she'd come from America all the way to Germany and that she'd even let her daughter be around him.

This was HUGE. This was more than he ever had dared to hope for and he couldn't be happier about it.

He took a sip from the whiskey and promised himself that he'd do everything he could to make up for what he had destroyed back then when he had crashed a car into her house.

"I forgot to give House his present." Rachel – who was now wide-awake again – said in a sad voice when they entered their hotel room.

"You can give it to him tomorrow."

"You don't think he'll be sad?"

"Why would he be sad?" Cuddy got rid of her jacket and opened the zipper of Rachel's.

"He is all alone."

"Oh honey…" Cuddy sat down on the queen sized bed and pulled Rachel on her lap. "House is a big boy… He can handle being alone."

The girl looked up at her Mom's face. "But I never wanna be alone, also not when I'm a big girl!"

"And you never will be alone, baby." She kissed her daughter's cheek and promised "I'm always gonna be here."

"_But YOU won't" _Cuddy added in her mind.

"Promise?" Rach asked as her big grey-green eyes looked directly into her Mom's.

"Pinky promise." Cuddy assured her.

Rachel threw her arms around her Mom and hugged her. "I love you a real lot."

"I love you too… " Cuddy smiled and tightened her grip around her. "…a lot."

"Did House's Mom never promise not to leave him alone?" Rachel murmured against her mom's shoulder.

"House went away from his Mom to have a life of his own." Cuddy explained. "Just like I did."

"I never will!" Rachel clarified full-throated.

Cuddy smiled sadly. She wished it was true but she knew that the day would come when Rachel would start her own life and, hell, she already feared it as much as she was looking forward to it. It would be hard and it would hurt to let her go but it would be wonderful to see her become an adult, to become independent.

"It's nothing you have to worry about right now, Rach." Cuddy patted her back and pressed another kiss to her cheek. "Let's go to bed now, ok?"

Rachel nodded and tightened her arms around her mother. She didn't understand at all how anyone could ever leave their Mom. How are you even supposed to live without your Mom?

They sat there, hugging each other for another few moments until Cuddy sent the girl to the bathroom to brush her teeth and to change.

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><p>House didn't sleep much. He spent the night thinking of Cuddy and of what ifs. At one point he was even about to call a cab and drive over to the hotel Cuddy and Rachel had their room in. But in the end he came to his senses and decided against it. He had to cede her the active part. He had no right to pressure her or to make demands of any kind.<p>

That's also why he had acted against his urge and hadn't asked her to just stay at his place for the night.

After what he had done to her he could be glad as hell that she still seemed to care a tiny little bit about him and that she didn't call the police when he came anywhere near her.

And just for that he considered himself as quite a lucky bastard.

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><p>The problem when your work was boring was that time just didn't pass. Seconds felt like minutes and minutes like hours. Don't ever mix boredom and any of the wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff because if you do it will drive you nuts.<p>

There were still 4 hours and 23 minutes to go before he could call it a day and head to his apartment where Cuddy and Rachel would be waiting. This means about 7 to 10 more annoying patients with snuffles and other shit to treat.

God, how much he missed his cases.

Wilson.

Cuddy.

His old life.

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><p>When he opened up the door to his apartment he found Cuddy setting up the table. It had something domestic, something he hadn't felt in a really long time.<p>

"Hi." He said.

"Hi." She smiled. "I hope you don't mind that we broke in… We found the key under the doormat."

"Never gonna complain about "pretty woman" breaking in in my apartment." He wriggled with his eyebrows.

As he noticed her blushing his heart started beating a little faster.

"I brought lasagna… Hope that's alright?" Cuddy put down 3 plates on the table.

"Sure." He got rid of his leather jacket and threw it on one of the chairs. "You want me to help you with something?" He then asked.

She shook her head no. "Everything's set but you could go and get Rach... at least if you can get her away from this enormous thing of a TV you have."

"It's always about size, isn't it?"

She slapped his arm but chuckled. "Shut up."

He left the room with a smile on his face.

This had been the very first conversation they had that reminded him of how it used to be between them. The light flirty mood, the banter, this was like it had been before. Like it had been all those years ago.

If he had turned around he had seen that Cuddy had felt it as well. It had almost overwhelmed her.

She put the box with the lasagna on the table and smiled this wonderful smile of hers.

How the hell had she been able to live without him all these years?

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><p>"Hey kiddo."<p>

"House!" Rachel exclaimed as he entered the room.

"Whatcha watching?"

"Donald Duck."

"You have taste."

"I know." Rachel giggled.

"We gonna eat dinner now… You coming?"

"Yeah." She nodded. "But I've to give you something first."

He looked at the girl surprised. "Ok."

Rachel got up from the couch, fetched her pink bag back and pulled something wrapped in gift paper out of it.

"I bought that for you." She said and extended the gift to him. House swallowed. "For me?" The girl nodded. He took the gift and looked at it. He couldn't remember when he last got something that was wrapped in gift paper. "You have to open it up!" "Ok." He dropped down on the couch and carefully started removing the paper but this was too slow for Rachel's taste. "Rip it." He did like she told him, ripped it open and found an unlabelled box containing a carton inside.

Rachel was getting impatient. She was already fidgeting in front of him. "Open it up!" She shouted excitedly.

He laughed for a second before he finally opened the lid of the carton. He looked in it and found himself looking at an oversized tennis ball.

"You like it?!" Rachel wanted to know immediately.

He smirked. "It rocks." And he meant it. He really did. He was actually even touched by her gesture… Not that he'd ever admit it.

The little girl beamed up at him, jumped on the couch and threw her arms around him. "I'm glad we found you, Howse."

He was shocked at first but then he laid his right arm around her and hugged her back. "Me too."

Both of them didn't see Cuddy who was standing at the threshold trying to hold a happy tear back.

It once again got proved to her that she had made the right choice by coming here.

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><p>Rachel was talking non-stop during dinner.<p>

She told House everything about her two best friends Miley and Jessica and about her cousins and about this stupid girl in school she didn't like and about their last holiday in California.

Cuddy had to remind her a few times not to forget to eat while telling all her exciting stories.

After dinner Rachel fell asleep pretty soon. This time, however, Cuddy asked House if she could bring Rachel to the guest room.

She didn't plan on staying the night… but she planned on staying a few more hours.

They really had a lot to talk through.

They had settled down on the couch.

Two glasses of water were standing on the coffee table. Sure he would prefer whiskey but he didn't want to give her the impression that he needed alcohol in order to have an honest conversation with her.

"What did you do today?" He asked.

"We don't have to do small talk."

"I know… I wasn't asking out of politeness… I don't do polite."

She smiled. That was true. "We visited the Brandenburger Tor… and then we went to this huge indoor playground."

"I bet Rachel had the time of her life there."

Cuddy chuckled. "She did…"

After a short moment of silence House said: "I almost came over to your hotel last night."

"That's funny… because Rachel wanted to come back here because she didn't want you to be alone."

His lips formed to a small smile. "Your kid's incredible."

"She is." Cuddy agreed proudly.

"I don't get why she even likes me."

"Because you are actually still a kid yourself and because you treat her like a normal human being and not like a baby. She appreciates that."

"I destroyed her home. She should hate me."

"I never told her what happened… She adored you. I couldn't break her heart."

House ran his hand through his hair and sighed. Even if he just thought about what he did back then it made him want to vomit.

His hand went to his thigh and rubbed it. Every time he thought about this his leg hurt more than usual. He saw it as a punishment for his actions.

"I'm so sorry, Cuddy…" He put his head in his hands. "I didn't know what I was doing… I wasn't in my right mind… I'd never do anything to hurt you. I'd rather kill myself… I'm so sorry."

"I know." She laid her hand on his back.

This was the first time she realised how much he was actually suffering because of what he did.

"I'm so sorry." He said again. This time it sounded more like a sob…. Was he?... Nooo. Couldn't be… right?

"I know you are, House." She started caressing his back. "I know you regret it."

"What if I had killed someone?" He sat up again and looked at her.

She could see a single tear on his cheek and was more than surprised that he didn't even try to hide it from her.

"You haven't… don't think about what ifs."

"I could have killed YOU! I could have killed RACHEL or your sister! I fucking could have killed you all, Cuddy!"

"But you didn't! That's the most important thing… No one got hurt, House."

"I should have thrown myself off a cliff instead of driving that fucking car into your dining room."

"Don't say that! Don't ever say that!"

"It would have saved everyone a lot of pain."

"How can you say that, House?!" Her voice was loud and heated. "I fucking loved you! I loved you so, so much… I'd have been devastated!"

"More than you were after I did what I did?"

"You can't compare these two things... It's different."

"Yeah it is… and that's why it would have been better for me to die. At least then you wouldn't have thought of my as a psycho."

"I don't think of you as a psycho! You are an addict that had lost control. It isn't an excuse for what you did since in the end you had a choice and you chose to take pills and you chose to mix them with alcohol even though you were perfectly aware of the risks… But I'm a 100% sure that you wouldn't have done it if you hadn't been high." She was looking directly into his eyes and could see the relief he felt in them.

He had obviously been convinced that she had thought of him as a real lunatic, as a nut job, as a psycho.

"I never thought that you'd ever talk to me again." He admitted after a few moments of silence.

"Weeks ago I wouldn't have… But I've realised now that all of this wasn't just your fault… It was mine as well..."

House cut her off: "What are you talking about?! I was the one driving a car into your living room. This was just MY fault."

"No it wasn't! And you know that… I broke up with you when I actually should have helped you get back on track… I screwed up as well."

"It was the right choice to break up with me… You don't deserve to be with an addict."

"Love doesn't care if two people deserve each other or not..."

"And that's why love sucks."

"It does." She agreed and fetched the remote from the couch table.

This was a good point to stop their talk.

"I wanna see how cool it is to watch TV on your huge apparatus." She explained as she switched on the device.

She took the blanket from the backrest and made herself cozy.

Her feet were right next to House's thigh, touching it. He didn't dare take them and put them on his thighs which probably would have been more comfortable for her. He just enjoyed being close to her.

While she paid attention to the TV he was mainly watching her.

Her beautiful face, her soft lips, her wonderful eyes... She looked not a day older than back then when they were still dating.

Cuddy knew he was watching her but didn't say anything.

She actually did enjoyed it. It was good to know that she was still attractive for men, especially for him.

It felt good.

_TBC..._

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><p><em><em>**Thanks for reading :D Feedback is - like always - appreciated** :)


	18. Chapter 18

**Hey there! **

**Sorry for the long wait. I wish i had more time to write.**

**I personally don't like this chapter very much but I'll let you judge.**

**Thanks a lot to Jane for beta reading! :D**

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><p><strong>Chapter 18<strong>

It was completely dark when she woke up.

She outstretched her arm and wanted to fumble on the bedside table for her phone when she noticed that there actually was no bedside table.

That was when she realised: She wasn't at home and neither was she in the hotel.

She was at House's place.

On the sofa.

Covered by a blanket.

Alone.

She let out a loud sigh as she got up from the couch.

She almost fell over Rachel's back pack before she finally found the light switch.

When the room was illuminated she checked the clock on the wall.

2:56 am.

There was no point in going back to the hotel now.

Rachel was asleep and she was still tired as well.

It wasn't a big deal if she just stayed here over night, right?

Right.

On her tiptoes she went to the guest room and checked on Rach before she headed back to the couch to rest for a few more hours.

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><p>When he woke up, the smell of coffee was ascending his nose.<p>

He couldn't remember the last time he woke up to that smell. It felt good. It felt kinda homey.

He was just about to get up when the bedroom door flew open and a grinning Rachel entered his room and shouted happily: "Breakfast is ready!"

"Rach! I told you several times not to just burst into a room. We knock before we enter." He heard Cuddy say in a calm but firm voice.

"Sorry." Rachel shouted back and knocked a few times against the doorframe before she repeated: "Breakfast is ready!"

If his leg hadn't hurt he would have laughed. The little girl was a smart ass and he loved that.

"I'm on my way, stinky pants." He murmured into the pillow.

Rachel giggled and ran back into the kitchen.

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><p>Both of them were already sitting at the breakfast table when House entered the kitchen.<p>

"Hi." Cuddy gave him a sweet and somewhat shy smile.

"Hey."

"I hope its ok that I made breakfast."

"Mi casa es tu casa." House said as he dropped down on the chair next to her.

"You made scrambled eggs." He then stated.

He loved scrambled eggs. She used to make them for him whenever she had time or when there had been a special occasion.

"It's the least I could do after spending the night here."

He shoved a fork loaded with eggs into his mouth and said without thinking: "You should spend more nights then." As soon as it was out he realised that it hadn't been a good idea to say that. It was too early for such a joke.

He tried to explain: "I didn't mean… I was just…"

She cut him off. "I know. It's fine."

He sighed.

"It's really fine, House." She said again.

He swallowed. "I don't wanna scare you off."

"You're not scary, silly!" Rachel barged in.

"See? You are not scaring anyone off." Cuddy said as she took a sip of her coffee.

House just nodded and continued eating. He wasn't really convinced that it all was just fine.

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><p>He had disappeared into his room after breakfast.<p>

Cuddy didn't hesitate long before she followed him.

When she entered his room she noticed that he was on the balcony.

She joined him.

"It's probably best that you go back and we pretend all of this never happened." House said without looking at her.

"It sure would be easier." She stepped next to him. "But there is no way in hell I'm gonna do that. I'm done with running away."

"But sometimes running away is the most rational choice."

"I'm also done with being rational."

"Sounds very un-Cuddy-like."

"It also sounds very un-House-like to ask me to go back home."

"I didn't ask you to go back… I just wanna prevent you from making a huge mistake."

"Going back would be a huge mistake."

"A week ago you still hated me, Cuddy."

"I wanted to hate you…" She corrected him. "… but I never actually managed to do it. And believe me… I tried very hard."

He chuckled.

He didn't really know why though.

When he looked at Cuddy he noticed that she was laughing as well.

"We are really fucked up, aren't we?" He asked.

"Yeah." She agreed with a small smile.

A short moment of silence.

"I'm so sorry for what I did, Cuddy."

"I know."

"I screwed up big."

"That you did… But so did I."

"Weirdly, I don't remember you screwing anything up."

"Oh I did… I was a bitch. I was being unfair to you. I was expecting you to be someone you are not and, when I noticed that I couldn't change you I broke up with you. I'm as big a screw up as you are."

"You deserved better than me. You did what you had to do. For your sake and for Rachel's."

"But it was the wrong decision."

"At least when I crashed my car into your house you should have noticed that your decision had been absolutely right."

"You were hurt… and at that moment that was the only way for you to deal with it."

"Are you seriously trying to justify what I did to you?!"

"No. What you did was horrible… You should have dealt with your pain in another way. You could have smashed some dishes, you could have shouted at me or Wilson or you could have punched this guy we had dinner with but instead you did the most insane thing ever… But I know that you were out of control. I know you were not yourself and I know that you never intended to hurt anyone physically."

"I wish I had thrown myself off a cliff instead."

"Don't say that."

"It would have made our lives so much easier."

"Stop it!"

"But it's true, Cuddy."

"Shut up!"

He turned to her and smiled.

"What?" She wanted to know after she had noticed him watching her.

"Nothing… I just noticed how much I've missed bossy Cuddy."

Her lips formed into a bright smile as she took a step closer to him and laid her head onto his shoulder.

House was surprised that she had initiated the contact. His heart started beating faster as soon as he could feel her warm body against his.

He hesitated for a second before he put his arm around her and placed his hand on her hip.

"I missed you too." She whispered barley audible and closed her eyes for a short moment to take in his scent and to absorb his warmth.

But far too soon for his liking she broke away from him again and disappeared into his apartment.

TBC

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><p><strong>Feedback is very much appreicated :D<strong>

**Question: Would you be interessted in a Cuddy/10th Doctor crossover? It wouldn't be romance, just friendship. The pairing still would be Huddy.**


	19. Chapter 19

**Thanks a lot for all your lovely reviews, guys. They really make me happy and cheer me up :D Keep them coming :D  
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**Sending hugs to Jane for beta reading. :D  
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><p><strong>Chapter 19<strong>

"Why don't we stay at House's place tonight?" Rachel asked and looked up at her mother.

The Cuddy girls were sitting in front of the TV in their room, watching the only channel in English they had found.

"Because we have a hotel room we are paying for."

"But we stayed at his place yesterday."

"Yes, but it wasn't planned. We just stayed because we both fell asleep there." Cuddy explained.

"But I like it better at House's place."

"I know you do, honey."

"So why don't we just go back there? His apartment is so, soooo big… We have room there."

"I know… It's just not that easy."

"Why not?"

"Because life is complicated."

"I don't understand."

"You will when you get older." Cuddy said and pressed a kiss to her daughter's forehead.

Rachel sighed and put her head on her mom's shoulder. She never wanted to grow up and become complicated.

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><p>Rachel was already deeply asleep when Cuddy heard a soft knock against the door. She put aside the book she was reading and got up from bed carefully in order not to wake her little girl.<p>

On her tiptoes she went to the door. When she opened it she found herself standing face to face with House.

Of course. Why was she even surprised? Who else would it be? It's not like she knew anyone else in Berlin.

"Hey." He said in a low voice.

"Hi."

She waited for him to say something else or to share why he dropped by but he just remained silent and looked at her.

"What are you doing here?" Cuddy whispered.

"Can I come in?"

She thought about it for a moment but then made room for him to enter. "Let's go to the bathroom. I don't want Rachel to wake up."

He followed her into the bathroom and shut the door behind him.

"Is anything wrong? Are you ok?" Cuddy asked in a worried voice as soon as the door was closed.

"I'm fine." He assured.

She exhaled, nodded and dropped down onto the edge of the bathtub.

House took in a deep breath. "I'm sorry for stopping by so late… but I just…"

"You just?"

He looked up into her eyes. "I… I wanted to ask you if you would like to go out for dinner with me tomorrow evening."

Her lips formed to a smile. "Are you asking me on a date?"

It took him a while until he answered. "Yes."

Before she could even give him an answer he started talking once more. "It's okay if you would like to wait longer."

"No." She said. When she noticed that she just had given him a little heart attack she clarified. "I don't wanna wait. I'd love to go out for dinner with you."

He exhaled in relief.

"But I have one condition." Cuddy then said.

"Ok." He agreed. After what had happened its more than understandable that she wants to set ground rules.

"You stop trying to be a person you are not." She got up and was now standing directly in front of him. "Stop walking on egg shells around me. I want you to be yourself. I want my old House back."

"You mean you want me to start telling you again that your breasts still look as perky as all those years ago and that your ass got even fatter?"

She laughed. "Yes."

"Oh you kinky little wench."

She started laughing even harder and playfully hit his arm.

"Ow!" He acted like her slap had hurt him. "I did what you wanted. No reason to slap me… except if slapping people turns you on. Then you can keep going."

Cuddy totally ignored what he was saying, made a step towards him, got on her tiptoes and – to his surprise – looped her arms around him.

She laid her head on his chest where she could listen to his heartbeat. "I'm so glad I came."

"Me too." Hesitantly he put his arms around her.

"You gonna pick me up tomorrow?" She asked after a few moments that they had spent in silence.

"Yes. Is 7 pm ok for you?"

She nodded against his chest. "Perfect."

"Good." He said. "I think I'll go then." He didn't want to leave. Of course not but he had to. Pressuring her wasn't going to get him anywhere.

"Ok." Cuddy broke away from their embrace.

They looked at each other for a few seconds. "Good night then." His voice was low and soft.

"Good night…"

He opened the bathroom door, turned back to her and whispered: "You look sexy like hell in those pjs of yours"

She laughed. "thanks."

He smiled, turned around again and headed for the door that would lead him out of her room.

When Cuddy heard the door fall shut she let out a loud, relieved breath.

If he had left a minute later she would have asked him to stay.

* * *

><p>"Why can't I come?"<p>

"Because House and I need to talk, honey." Cuddy was standing in front of the mirror in their bathroom, applying mascara.

"Can't you talk with me there? I'm gonna be very quiet the whole time, I promise."

"We have all kind of adult stuff to discuss. You would be bored. You are gonna have soo much more fun here with Tine."

Tine was the nanny Cuddy had engaged for the evening. She had talked to her in person earlier to get to know her. There was no way she would let Rachel stay with someone she had just talked to via the phone. Never ever. But Tine had turned out to be a very friendly and responsible young woman.

"You think she will really bring some DVDs for me to watch?"

"She promised you, didn't she?"

Rachel nodded.

"Well then she will bring DVDs."

"Because promises have to be keepted."

"It's kept, honey. But you are right: What you promise, you have to keep." Cuddy ran her hand through her curly black hair.

"You look really pretty, mommy." Rachel said as she entered the bathroom and looked up at her mom.

"Thank you baby."

"You just need a crown now, then you look like a princess."

"Oh honey." Cuddy had a big smile on her face and bent down to her daughter's level. "Give me a hug."

Rachel looped her arms around her mom's neck and pressed her head into her shoulder.

"I love you so much." Cuddy whispered into her baby's ear.

"Love you too…" Rach whispered back.

* * *

><p>House was completely blown away when he saw Cuddy as she opened up the door for him.<p>

She was wearing a black dress that hugged her curves perfectly. Her cleavage was deep enough to make a special part of him tingle but not deep enough to reveal too much.

Her hair was curly (and God he loved her curly hair) and she was wearing high heels which made her legs look even more incredible than they already did.

"Hey." He managed to say after he had drooled over her appearance for a few moments.

"Hi back." She smiled and gave him a look over.

She was totally stunned by what he was wearing. To his usual jeans he had picked his cerulean shirt, a suit coat and – what was most surprising – a tie!

He really was trying hard to make a good impression on her, to show her that he really had changed.

"I never thought I'd see the day that the infamous Greg House would put on a tie voluntarily."

"He changed." His voice was calm but serious.

"I know."

After a few silent seconds they had spent staring into each other's eyes he asked: "You ready?"

"Yes." She took her purse. "We can go."

**TBC**


	20. Chapter 20

**Thanks so, so, so, so much for all your wonderful feedback :D Nothing's a better spur to write than your reviews :D Thanks a lot for each of them :D  
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**Sending hugs to Jane for beta reading :D  
><strong>

**This is just a short chapter but that's still better than no chapter at all, right?  
><strong>

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><p><strong>Chapter 20<strong>

They took a cab to the restaurant.

Cuddy was more than just surprised by the fancy place he had chosen to take her to. It already looked very exclusive from the outside and made the promise that it would be even better inside.

"I remember a time where I couldn't even get you in such a restaurant when I was threatening you with 100 clinic hours."

"Back then I had to go to these stupid dinners so the hospital could brag about me as its greatest asset… I had to go there, I had to have dinner with people I didn't like, I had to talk with them about topics I found boring… Now I'm here with the most beautiful woman on the face of Earth who is wearing the sexiest dress I've ever seen and who finds my sexist jokes funny. See the difference?"

She smiled, linked arms with him and whispered: "Thank you." It wasn't often that House complimented you directly. His compliments usually came with an insult or were hidden so well that you may not even notice them.

They went into the restaurant where they had to wait a few moments until a waiter approached them and asked them for their reservation.

House told him his name and said that he had reserved a table for two.

The waiter typed his name into the computer and then looked up again after a few seconds. "I'm sorry Dr. House. But I don't have a reservation under your name."

"What?"

"I can't find a reservation under the name Greg House." The waiter repeated. "Are you sure you have made a reservation?"

"Do I look demented?!" House snubbed. "Of course I made a reservation! I called today!"

"Well then it seems to be our mistake. I'm really sorry about it… This usually never happens." The waiter clearly felt uncomfortable now. When his boss got to know about a muddled up reservation he was going to kick some asses. "I really would love to give you a table anyway but we are completely booked."

"Would you still have no table if I slipped you fifty Euros?"

He shook his head no "I'm sorry, Mr. but all tables are occupied."

House was getting angry.

This evening was supposed to be perfect! It was supposed to be romantic and fancy and everything else Cuddy liked! And now those fuckers screwed it all up.

"It's fine, House." Cuddy laid her hand on his arm when she noticed that he was getting upset. "We will just go somewhere else."

"No it's not fine! I reserved here!"

"I know… But they have no table." She explained to him as if he was a three year old.

"I planned everything." There was something in his voice that sounded kinda desperate.

"And I really appreciate that. But it's fine for us to go somewhere else." She said in a calm voice. "It really is."

He looked at the waiter and muttered. "I hope for your sake that no one who works here will ever need a doctor… And if you do, you better not come to _Krankenhaus_ Bethel Lichterfelde." With that he turned around and headed out of the exit.

Cuddy followed him.

When she was outside she found him leaning against a streetlight. His arms were crossed in front of his chest.

She approached him.

"I'm sorry."His voice was low.

"What for?" She wanted to know.

"That I screwed up… Again."

"You do realize that it is not your fault that the restaurant messed up your reservation, right?"

"I should have made sure that this wouldn't happen." He sighed and finally dared to look up so he could see her beautiful face. "I wanted this evening to be perfect… "

Cuddy had to swallow in order to prevent a tear from escaping her eye. His confession pulled on her heartstrings. It happened very rarely that he admitted things like that, that he showed his softer side, that he made it clear how hard he was trying.

"I wanted to show you that I could be the man you need."

She made a few more steps forward so that she was now standing directly in front of him. Slowly her hand went to his stubbly cheek and her silky fingers started to caress it softly.

His eyes fell closed.

Her soft, loving touch was almost too much to handle. He thought his heart might explode if she kept fondling him.

But his heart turned out to be much stronger than expected when he felt her second hand on his other cheek.

He had the urge to lay his hands on her hips but decided against it. He didn't want to push his luck.

House was about to open his eyes again to look at the beautiful lady in front of him when he suddenly felt something brushing against his lips.

Her mouth.

It was HER mouth!

He thought he might die.

She was kissing him! Cuddy was kissing HIM!

It wasn't a passionate kiss. It was soft and gentle. There was no sign of tongues.

He didn't dare move his lips. He gave her all the control. Their mouths were hardly open but it was a kiss all the same. A kiss that meant everything.

His heart was hammering in his chest, his body was covered with goose bumps. He hadn't felt that way in years.

He couldn't believe how he had survived this long without kissing her.

After a few moments Cuddy broke away from him. She was totally overwhelmed. She hadn't reckoned on this kiss feeling so incredible. It had made her knees melt.

House opened his eyes again and that was when he noticed that a tear was making its way down his cheek. A happy tear.

Who thought that it was ever possible to see a happy tear on Greg House's cheek?

He quickly wiped the drop away with the back of his hand but it was too late. Cuddy had seen it.

Cuddy got on her tiptoes and pressed a soft kiss to where his tear had been just seconds before. She then wrapped her arms around him and a pressed another short kiss into the soft skin of his neck.

"Lets look for another restaurant." She then whispered.

She did it on purpose not to address him tearing up. She knew he wouldn't want it. He would like her to never ever talk about it and that's what she is going to do.

She knew how hard it was for him to show his feelings and she also knew that it was even more uncomfortable for him to talk about it. So she just let it go.

House nodded. "I'm already starving."

They broke away from each other again.

Cuddy smiled at him, took his hand and led him to the line of cabs on the other side of the street.

TBC

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><p><strong>Thanks a lot for reading :D<strong>

**I started another fanfic a few days ago. It is a Cuddy/10th doctor crossover but it is still totally and absolutely Huddy. If you are interested then check it out on my profile page :D  
><strong>

**Have a lovely weekend :D  
><strong>


	21. Chapter 21

**I'm back with a new chapter! Finally! Sorry for the long wait.  
><strong>

**Thanks so, so, so much for all your lovely reviews. You put a smile on my face with each of them :D  
><strong>

**This story is coming to an end. There will be 3 to 6 more chapters though. Depends on how long the chapters will be and on how my muse will cooperate.  
><strong>

****Sending hugs to my faithful beta reader Jane :)****

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><p><strong>Chapter 21<strong>

They had found a comfy little French restaurant that was located right in the center of Berlin. Cuddy absolutely loved the place. It had something charming, something that made her feel really cozy.

"You know what you wanna order?" House asked as he noticed that Cuddy wasn't paying any attention to the menu in her hand.

"… No." She said while looking around. "I'm kinda distracted by the beauty of this place."

"It looks classy." House agreed.

"As a kid I imagined my future house to look like this."

"Like a restaurant?"

"I'm talking about the style, you idiot."

He smiled. It was good to hear her call him an idiot. It was like in the good old times back in Princeton where they spent most of the time teasing each other.

"What else did you imagine as a kid about your future life?" He then asked.

She was surprised. Surprised that he asked and surprised that he obviously really seemed to wanna know.

"… Well… I always saw my future self as a doctor and I was convinced that by the age of 30 I'd have an incredibly handsome husband, two beautiful kids, a dog and a turtle named Herald."

He laughed when she mentioned the turtle. "Why would you name the poor animal Herald?"

"Why not?"

"Because the name sucks."

"It doesn't suck, it just sounds weird and already back then I thought that weird was interesting."

"Can't you rename it to Hieronymus?"

"I don't rename my imaginary turtles!" Cuddy said in a playfully strict voice just as the waiter came by to take their orders.

Cuddy looked through the menu in speed time and ordered a vegetarian version of Tortellini al forno. House settled for a Calzone with extra cheese and without the "disgusting" spinach.

"So now you tell me… What did you imagine your future life would be like as a kid?" Cuddy asked as the waiter left their table.

"I guess I wanted to be a musician."

"And?"

"And what?" He played dumb.

"What else?"

"Nothing."

"No wife? No family?"

He shrugged. "I thought that when I get older I was gonna be like my dad and, in that case, it would be better to stay alone."

"You are far away from being like your dad." Cuddy assured.

"I know… I'm much worse."

"We both know that's not true." Cuddy said.

He looked at her and lifted both his eyebrows. "Do I need to remind you that I crashed a car in your house?"

"No… I will never ever forget that but you did what you did out of pain. You did it because you were desperate and angry and drugged. I don't say it was not your fault. It was. You decided to take the drugs, you decided to do something crazy instead of talking to me but I forgave you and I know you won't ever do it again."

"I won't." He confirmed. "But how can YOU be sure about that?"

"You changed. You are off the drugs, you are trying PT. You learned your lesson."

"I don't deserve you forgiving me and trusting me again."

"No, you really don't." She reached over the table to clasp his hand. "So please don't disappoint me."

"I'm not going to…" His voice was a whisper but firm and more serious than ever. "I promise."

* * *

><p>They had fun... Well at first there had been this weird tension due to their earlier conversation but soon the mood got lighter.<p>

They bickered, bantered and argued. It felt almost like it had felt back then, before it all got messed up.

After they had the main course House ordered a chocolate mousse, Cuddy refused to have dessert but ended up eating half of House's mousse.

Now they were outside in a huge park that was illuminated by scattered street lamps.

They had decided to take a little walk. This way Cuddy could see the beautiful city at night and he had some exercise for his leg. His physical therapist would be delighted.

"How long are you staying?" House asked after they had walked side by side in silence for a while.

"I don't really know yet… I took 3 weeks off... I'm currently considering staying here until I need to go back to work."

"That'd be great."

"I'm just not feeling so well about Rachel missing school for so long."

"She's a smart kid… What they do in these 3 weeks she will have learned in 3 days."

Cuddy smiled. Yes, her girl definitely was a smart kid. "Then I guess we'll stay… Of course, just if you want us to."

"What kind of question is that!?" House's hands were in the pockets of his coat. "Of course I want you to stay."

She slipped her arm through his and put her head on his shoulder for a second. "It's so beautiful here… It feels like we are in a forest far away from civilisation."

"We sure are far away from intelligent civilisation." House said and pointed at a group of teens that were obviously drunk and laughing about a guy who just stumbled over a root and fell down on the floor.

Cuddy just smiled. She hadn't noticed until she came to Germany how much she had missed his sarcasm, his insulting and his sexist comments. She had been so used to them even though they were sometimes really hurtful.

"What are you smiling about?" House wanted to know.

She thought about it for a second and then decided to just tell him. "… I've missed your sarcastic comments."

"Oh really? You really missed my comments you always claimed to find inappropriate?"

"I missed you… And your comments are a part of you." She explained simply.

House stopped walking and turned to the side so that he was looking at her. He just couldn't believe that – after all he did, after everything he had screwed up – she really was standing next to him, telling him that she missed him.

"You can't imagine how much I'd like to kiss you now." He whispered.

"Show me."

For a moment he thought about backing off, he didn't want to seem too pushy but on the other hand he also had to show what he wanted, how much he loved her and how attractive she still was to him.

So he bent down and softly pressed his lips against hers. She returned the kiss immediately. This time it wasn't so innocent anymore. There were tongues and moans.

Her hands went into his hair and pressed his head even closer against hers.

God she had missed this, she had missed him. She had missed his kisses, his touches, his warmth.

She felt his warm hands on her hips. Finally he had dared to make a step forward, to touch her. He had been so afraid of driving her away and of scaring her off that he had avoided as much physical contact as possible. It had been okay at first but she had soon wanted more and now she was finally getting it.

House was the one who ended the kiss. He broke away from her. He was out of breath and totally overwhelmed.

They opened their eyes, their glances met and House almost got a heart attack when he saw how much love there was in Cuddy's eyes.

How the hell could she still feel this way about him? He did not deserve that. He didn't deserve the love of the most beautiful and smartest woman on this planet. He didn't deserve her forgiveness. She was so much better off without him.

"Hey." Cuddy's voice was low and soft. Her hand went to his chin and softly caressed his stubble-covered skin. "Stop thinking."

"There is no way a human can do that… except when he's dead."

"You know exactly what I mean." She whispered. "Stop thinking about what ifs and stop telling yourself that you don't deserve anything good. That's bullshit! Lets see where this is going and lets not look back… What happened, happened. What's done is done. We can't change the past and dwelling about it won't do any of us good… We can just move on and do our best to avoid anything similar happening again."

Rationally, he knew she was right but how the hell was he supposed to stop thinking, to stop picturing worst case scenarios?

When he felt her lips on his again he knew how.

She just will have to distract him.

TBC

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><p><strong>Thanks a lot for reading :) Reviews are very much appreciated. If you are interessted check out my new story on my profile page. It's called "Who?" and it is totally huddy which you will notice soon after you start reading.<strong>


	22. Chapter 22

**So sorry for the long wait. I haven't given up on this story, not at all but life was kinda busy in the last few weeks and my muse was not cooperative at all.**

**Thanks you so, so much to everyone who still reads this fic and special thanks to everyone that reviewd last chapter! :D Big thank you also go to Jane for beta reading :D  
><strong>

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><p><strong>Chapter 22<strong>

On the way back to the hotel they barely talked. They were sitting next to each other in the backseat of the cab. Just enjoying being close.

When the cab stopped in front of the hotel Cuddy turned to him and asked: "Would you walk me to my room?"

He was surprised but nodded and handed the driver some cash. Who was he to deny her such a request?

They entered the hotel and then the elevator.

Cuddy leant against the elevator wall looking up at House. A smile was on her face. "I had a really great time tonight… Thank you."

"Thank you for agreeing to go out with me." He said in a low, honest voice. Then he added teasingly: "And thank you for wearing such a revealing dress."

She chuckled as the elevator stopped and the doors opened up. The ride was much faster than she had wanted it to be.

They stepped out in the hallway and he followed her to her room.

When they were standing in front of the door Cuddy didn't unlock it. Instead she turned around and looked at him. It seemed as if she was struggling with herself, as if she was about to do something she probably shouldn't do, something that her rational mind wouldn't approve of.

It took her a few more seconds before she finally dared to pop the question: "Can you spend the night?" She swallowed. Then she clarified: "Not for sex… Just for company."

For a moment he thought he was hallucinating again… But since he was off the vicodin this probably wasn't the case… So this was reality. She just had asked him if he wanted to stay the night. She really had asked him! Was he a lucky guy or what?

"Cuddy… are you sure?" He asked. He didn't want her to rush anything… It takes time to build up trust again and he was more than ready to give her that time.

"I wouldn't ask you if I wasn't."

"Then yes." He gave her a tiny little smile. "I want to spend the night."

* * *

><p>Cuddy paid the babysitter and thanked her for looking after her little girl.<p>

After the sitter was gone she told House to make himself comfortable while she went in the bathroom to change into her pyjamas.

"You wanna watch TV?" Cuddy asked as she came into the room again.

"Won't we wake Rachel?"

"We can keep the volume down." She said as she dropped down next to him on the couch.

Their room was big but the sleeping area unfortunately wasn't separated from the living room.

The selection of English TV programs wasn't very big but she actually didn't care what they were watching. This wasn't about watching TV anyway. It was about being close, it was about remembering the good old times.

Back then when they still were together Cuddy had cuddled up to him while he watched TV. Even back then she hadn't cared what he was watching… All that had counted was that she was in his arms.

It didn't take her long until she put her head on his shoulder.

He was clearly surprised but said nothing.

His heart started beating faster as she – just a few moments later – scooted even closer to him. She snuggled up against his side.

He finally dared to put his arm around her.

Almost simultaneously they let out a content sigh which made them chuckle.

"It's insane." He suddenly said.

"What?"

"That we are sitting here now… arm in arm… after everything that happened."

"Life is just insane sometimes."

He nodded and put his chin on her head. "I never thought you'd ever forgive me."

"Me neither." She admitted. "… but I'm glad I did…"

"Ask me how glad I am." He said.

She turned her head so her nose was buried in his shirt. She took in his scent and closed her eyes. "I can't be happy without you." She whispered.

And he died.

* * *

><p>"Cuddy." He softly shook her shoulder. "Cuddy."<p>

"Hmmm." She murmured.

"You fell asleep on the couch… I can't carry you to bed."

She opened her eyes, slowly removed her head from his shoulder and set up straight. "What time is it?"

"Almost 2."

She got up from the couch and then extended her hand for him to take.

He looked at her hand for a while until he clasped it and let her pull him up.

She led him to the bed.

"Cuddy… I don't think this is a good idea… You and Rachel wont have enough space… I'll just sleep on the couch."

"Back then the three of us used to sleep in one bed all the time."

That was true. Rachel often had spent the night with them. And he soon had learned not to mind it, maybe even to enjoy it.

Cuddy climbed into the bed and got under the covers.

House thought about it for a few moments until he removed his jeans and got into the bed as well.

Cuddy was on the right, House on the left side. A sleeping Rachel in between them.

Cuddy switched off the light and turned to him.

They were both lying on their sides, facing each other.

The dim light of Berlin which emerged through the curtains, made it possible to vaguely make out each other's face.

"Thank you." He whispered.

"For what?"

"For letting me in your life again… For trying to trust me again. For forgiving me."

Her hand looked for his and took hold of it when she finally found it.

"You still are the most incredible man I've ever known." She admitted. "That never changed."

"You sure that this sentence shouldn't sound more like 'I'm the most insane man you've ever known'?"

She laughed. "Well… this applies too."

He chuckled.

Her fingers were caressing the palm of his hand. Her eyes still fixed on his.

They couldn't see much but they could feel their gazes.

They didn't avert their eyes from each other until they fell closed.

Their hands were still joined and would be for the entire night.

TBC

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><p><strong>I know it was kinda short but I promise to hurry up with the next chapter. Hope you guys have all already liked the "We Wanna Watch Thunder Roadtrip" page on FB. If not please check it out :)<strong>


	23. Chapter 23

**Hey guys!**

**I'm so sorry for not updating in such a long time but I was totally and completely stuck with this story. This chapter isn't very long and it probably isn't the best thing I've written. And even though it seems a bit like a filler it is kinda important... since we can witness them slowly getting closer and closer again... and we can see how hard it is for House to accept what he did and to move on.**

**Thanks to all of you who still stick with this story and even more thanks to everyone who reviewed :D**

**This chapter is beta read by the lovely LEfan77 :D**

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><p><strong>Chapter 23<strong>

When Cuddy woke up she found herself snuggled up close to him.

Her head was on his chest, her left hand on his stomach. His arm was wrapped around her and held her close.

She hadn't woken up like this in years. God, she had missed that. She had missed him. She had missed THEM.

"Mama, you up?" She heard the soft voice of her little daughter.

"Yeah." Cuddy smiled and looked at her baby who was already up, standing next to the bed, her stuffed bear clutched to her side.

"Look! House is here!" Rachel whispered excitedly and pointed with her finger at the sleeping man.

"I know, honey. He spent the night with us."

"This is so cool! Can he watch cartoons with me?"

"You can ask him when he wakes up, ok?"

Rachel nodded and grinned. "I'll go and draw him a picture."

"Ok, baby." She said as Rachel ran towards her suitcase and removed her pencil case and a notebook.

Cuddy turned her attention back to House. She was still cuddled up to him and she intended to stay that way for as long as possible.

Considering their history it shouldn't feel as good as it did. It shouldn't feel so right. But it did and she was done fighting and denying it. She loved him. Despite everything. He was her IT.

She snuggled even closer to him, took in his scent and closed her eyes again. She wanted to enjoy the moment to its greatest extent for as long as it lasted.

* * *

><p>When she woke up an hour later she found Rachel sitting on the couch watching TV.<p>

She couldn't spot House anywhere though.

A disappointed feeling nestled in her chest. Did he leave?

Just when she was about to ask Rachel where he was the door of the room opened up and he came in.

He was carrying a mug and a bowl. He was limping worse than usual because he didn't take his cane. "Here you go, munchkin." He said as he put the items down on the table. "Stolen from the buffet just for you."

Rachel giggled and said: "Thank you, Howse!" Then she started munching her cereals. "You are the bestest."

He patted her head shortly and muttered, barley audible: "I wish I were"

Cuddy was watching the scene from afar and her heart was melting. She just couldn't get over how much Rachel loved House… it was incredible.

"Hey. Look who's finally up." House said to Rachel as he spotted Cuddy who was sitting upright in bed.

"Hi." Cuddy said with a bright smile on her face.

"I got the kid some food… Hope that's ok."

"That's fine. Thank you."

"He got me my favorite cereals, mommy."

"That's great, honey." She said as she got up from the bed and approached them with a big smile on her face.

She wanted to give House a good morning kiss, she wanted to put her arms around him, to hug him and breathe in his scent. But she resisted the urge. They had to take things slow. She wanted this to work. She wanted it with all of her heart.

* * *

><p>He took the day off so he could spend it with Cuddy and Rachel.<p>

They went to the water park "Tropical Islands" which was an absolute paradise for every 6 year old as well as for every man-child.

Rachel and House slid the slides about 50 times. Thankfully, they had elevators so there was no stair climbing involved.

When Rachel finally got sick of sliding Cuddy took her to all the different water worlds the park had to offer.

The kid was ecstatic. She jumped in the pools, she dove and she swam, she laughed.

It took Cuddy almost an hour to finally get her out of the water.

As soon as Rachel was in a dry swimming suit she was out like a light. She had been exhausted.

"Where does the kid get all the energy from? Is she secretly drinking red bull?" House asked as he watched Cuddy covering Rachel, who was lying on one of the canvas chairs, with a towel.

Cuddy chuckled. "She's always like this when she's excited about something… and she was beyond excited that you came along today."

"The kid is so insane to like me."

"Kids are good judges of character… She knows that deep down you are a good person."

"We both know that I am not a good person. Good people don't risk hurting the woman they love – not emotionally and especially not physically." He couldn't help but point this out again. He would never get over it… What he did was awful. HE was awful.

"Stop talking about it, House. Stop thinking about it. We have to put this behind us so we can move on." Cuddy was in her bathing suit, standing in front of the canvas chair he was lying on, her arms crossed.

"How can I not think about it?… how are we ever going to be able to put this behind us?… I almost killed you!" He hissed.

"I'm here and I'm fine! Now shut the hell up and scoot over!"

He made some room for her on the chair and she lay down next to him, facing away.

"Put your arms around me." Cuddy said. "And promise me you'll stop thinking about it. Promise me you will forgive yourself."

His right arm went around her and pulled her closer into him. It felt so damn good to feel her this close. God… he had missed that. He had missed her warmth and her bare soft skin which his fingers loved to caress. Days ago he still had been convinced he would never ever be able to feel her this close again… But here they were now… lying together on a canvas chair talking about a future he still can't believe they had.

"I can't forgive myself." He whispered.

"You have to try. I need you to try."

He didn't answer immediately. But she was beyond relieved when she heard him breath out an "ok".

"I want this to work, House. This is the very last chance we've got… the last chance to be together and the last chance at happiness."

"I know." He whispered against her shoulder.

This was indeed their last chance. If it didn't work out this time it was over for good… which also meant that they wouldn't be happy, they wouldn't find love again… because for them they were each others IT, they were each others soul mates. If they couldn't be together, they couldn't be with anyone else either.

Cuddy closed her eyes and took his hand that was placed on her stomach, into hers. Their fingers interlaced.

"I missed this so much" She admitted. "I didn't realize until after we broke up how much we used to cuddle."

"Ugh…this word… don't ever say it again."

"Cuddle?" Cuddy smiled.

"I'm about to vomit."

She chuckled. "Oh shut up."

House softly kissed her shoulder and her skin immediately covered with goose bumps. She sighed contently.

He really was trying to be a different man, a better man, a more understanding man. And he was doing a pretty damn good job even though he himself couldn't see it yet.

**TBC...**

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><p><strong>Thanks so much for reading :D I promise I'll try to post the next chapter sooner.<strong>


	24. Chapter 24

**Hey guys!**

**Thanks soooo, sooooo, soooooo much for all your great Feedback. I really appreciate it :D**

**I'm still kinda stuck with this story, my muse gives me all kind of ideas for one shots and for my other more chapter fic but not for this one. But with the help of my fave Frenchie I managed to write this chapter :D  
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**Thanks a lot also to LEfan77 for beta reading :D**

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><p><strong>Chapter 24<strong>

Cuddy and Rachel spent the following night in their hotel room. Alone.

House got called into the hospital because of a case and it looked as if he would have to stay in all night.

They didn't meet again until the next day for lunch.

House was unusually silent and seemed to be pondering something.

Cuddy wanted to ask him what was going on but this probably wasn't the best idea when Rachel was around.

"Rach?" House suddenly said after he had been quiet for quite a long time.

"Yeah?" The little one looked up at him with a smile on her face.

"Are you up for a little deal?"

"What deal?"

"We go to the biggest candy store you have ever seen in your entire life and in return you lend me your Mom this evening while you stay with the baby sitter?"

"The biggest candy store ever?!" Rachel's eyes grew big.

"Yes… its huge."

"And do they have cotton candy too?"

"It is the paradise of cotton candy… So… Do we have a deal?"

"Yeah!" Rachel shouted gleefully.

"Great." He said and looked at Cuddy. She was smiling at him. He was surprised. He had thought she would want to slap him for suggesting taking Rachel to a candy store but she seemed to be ok with it.

Cuddy took a sip of her water. She was glad House wanted to have some alone time with her. This was exactly what she wanted as well. That was what they needed.

She loved it when Rachel was around them. She loved spending time with them both – with House and Rachel. It felt as if they were a family.

But around Rachel they just couldn't talk… Not about the really important things.

House's deal came in really handy.

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><p>The babysitter from two nights ago was available again this evening. So there was no need to meet her again beforehand. She was responsible and Rachel liked her and that was the most important thing.<p>

When the sitter arrived Cuddy kissed Rachel goodbye and went down to the reception desk where House was already waiting for her.

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><p>He took her to a fancy restaurant. This time he called them twice in order to make sure they wrote down the reservations. He didn't want another incident.<p>

They had a great time during dinner. They talked, laughed, bantered and flirted. It almost felt like it did back before it all went down the drain.

After dessert they went back to House's apartment.

He opened a bottle of wine and poured a glass for Cuddy while he himself settled for scotch.

He put down the drinks on the living room table and dropped down next to Cuddy on the couch.

"I had a great time tonight. Thank you." She said.

"I thought you'd be pissed because of the candy store deal."

"I want Rach to have a great time… she grows up so fast. I want her to have a childhood filled with fun, adventure and love… and going to the biggest candy store is just a part of that."

"You changed." He said.

"So did you."

He looked at her and nodded. She smiled, pressed a kiss to his cheek and put her head on his shoulder.

"How are we gonna move on from here?" He said after a short moment of silence. "You are gonna go back to the states at the end of next week. What then?"

"I had pushed those thoughts aside until now. I kinda hoped it would all fall into place." She admitted.

"I thought… that maybe…" He stopped. He wasn't sure if it was a good idea to say what he was about to say.

"You thought?"

"Maybe we should start over… here in Europe."

Cuddy sat up and looked at him surprised. "In Germany?"

"Wherever you want."

"Are younbeing serious?"

He took her hand. "You said we need to leave the past behind us. Starting fresh somewhere far away from all the ghosts that are haunting us is the best way to do that."

She could see in his eyes how terrified he was. Terrified of her reaction, of her answer. Terrified of losing her again.

"And Rachel? Her school? And my job? My mom would kill me if I told her I was gonna leave the country."

"You know they do have schools as well as hospitals here in Europe. And they also let old people immigrate if dragon mom wants to come along."

Cuddy laughed, then her facial expression turned to a more serious one. "You really want this? The real deal… Me AND Rachel?"

"More than anything else."

She swallowed the lump in her throat. A tear was threatening to escape her eye and she wiped it away before it could roll down her cheek. She looked down at their hands that still were joined. His thumb was drawing soft circles on her skin. "Then yes… Let's start over."

"Seriously?" Though he had hoped she'd agree, he had never expected her answer to be yes.

"Yes. I want to be with you… and I want this to work, I need this to work. Getting away from the States to start over seems to be the only thing that might work… and I'm ready to do that. For us."

House had never been more relieved. Her little speech lifted a huge load off his heart. He had been so scared that his proposition would chase her away and that he would be left in a dark hole again with a big chunk of his heart missing.

But this didn't happen… and he couldn't be happier about it.

He cupped her cheek with his hand and gave her such a soft and tender kiss that she almost melted away.

House didn't want her to feel blindsided so he ended the kiss sooner than she would have liked.

They looked at each other. Their stare was so intense that it seemed as if the other one was looking directly into their soul.

Cuddy's hand went to his chest, she could feel his heart beat. It was strong and it still had the ability to calm her down. "I missed falling asleep on your chest." Her voice was a whisper.

Her hand kept wandering over his shoulder to his neck. "I missed burying my face in your neck."

Her hand came to a stop on his lips. She softly caressed them with her fingers.

"I missed kissing those lips… more than I thought I could ever miss anything."

He was unable to talk… He was overwhelmed. Days ago he never thought Cuddy would ever talk to him again, he never thought she'd touch him again… and now here she was telling him how much she had missed him… This was almost too much to handle.

Cuddy's fingers were still on his lips. Her touch made his lips tingle.

"You know what I missed as well?" She aspirated.

"What?" His voice was shaky.

She scooted closer and brought her mouth to his ear. "Making love to you."

And he almost died.

Did she just really say that? Did she?! Or was he just hallucinating?

No… he can't be hallucinating… he was off the vicodin… he was fine… this was real. She was real… and her words were real.

She moved away from his ear so she could see his face again. In his eyes it was clearly visible how overwhelmed he was.

Her hand went again to his and took hold of it. Her eyes were focused on his and before they both knew what was happening she said what she had wanted to say for years and what he had longed to hear for an equally long time.

She whispered: "Make love to me, House."

**TBC**

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><p><strong>I know, its not my best work... but thats all I can come up with at the moment.<strong>

**Enjoy life :D**


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